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Chronicles of Chinese New Year (Year of Water Dragon aka 2012)

2012-01-28T17:47:00.004+08:00

#Beware: This is going to be a UBER-LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGG post =)

New Year's Eve:

Good. Awesome. Had a widespread of homecooked 8-course meal made by none other than the resident chef, who is my mom. Of course, her adorable assistant chef, which is yours truly, helped her out as well, but nah, her cooking skills is still beyond the amateur level. Sad sad sad. It's okay. We had 8 meals, namely (I'm a lazy pig and I just dig in so no pictures XD) tu ka sng (pork leg cooked in vinegar), abalone and fish bladder soup, steamed fish (no idea what fish but it's BIG), steamed chicken (as usual), roasted duck (as usual), mixed vegetables (as usual lagi), bamboo shoots and stewed sea cucumber and asparagus. Lapan. Pek. Ba. Eight. Hak chi. Whatever. No yee sang? Too late to order. Never mind, next year then order. Optimistic much? Hehe. Anyways, four of us are literally stuffing ourselves into this 8-course meal and I AM SO FAT. But delicious. Thankie mom!!! Knowing I need to wake up early to help out arranging cookies, I went to bed early but was disturbed by the firecrackers, particularly the 10-thousand heads. I like fireworks, but not DARN-FRIGGIN-NOISY TO THE MAX PUNYA BLARDY firecrackers~ heck, it stopped at 2-ish. I slept later than that. So imagine the amount of sleep I had.

1st Day:

Good. Drove early out to a primary school friend's house for open house only to find out that I was his FIRST guest wtf ikr =="" anyway he served me tu ka ahaha and some other food but the highlight is the tu ka. I dare not eat much, fearing the upcoming open houses which if I cannot eat I'll feel bad (to be precise, paiseh) and they'll keep pestering me to stuff at least "little bit" which was actually A LOT. Chinese.

Anyway, after his visit, I drove home, which was in time for family visiting until 4-ish when it started raining. Coincidentally, we just reached home when it rained. Great timing, huh? Dad was tired and lazy to visit due to the rain so he just stayed home and waited for any hardworking visitors who would be willing to visit under the rain (there WAS). I, on the other hand, could not stand being bored at home, drove out and picked my multi-school gang (Yi, Huay, Chen) and had our series of visiting. Lazy to upload pictures and I do not wish to disclose so much of my personal matters too much since this blog is open to anyone, unlike my Facebook, which is only accessible to friends. All in all, I had a great 1st day =)

2nd Day:

St3 visiting, with a total of 11 houses altogether. I started this friggin journey at 8am and ended it at 10pm. Awesome huh? No pictures, like I said before but all in all it's a great journey. Received quite an amount of red packets, countless "open houses" aka meals and left me feeling exhausted, full and satisfied.

3rd Day:

Left home at 12pm to a Chen's house to meet up with some familiar faces, particularly Yiong Wei, an ex-NS-mate whom I had not kept in touch since aeons ago. She was in same course as Yi and she was the driver of the day. I ended up arriving home at 7-ish and stopped because they were going to visit their own friends who are strangers to me. I was hungry so I took some leftover meal from last night and cooked myself Korean noodles. I had diarrhea two hours later. Worst, at the following hour, the diarrhea stopped and I started vomiting instead. I vomited non-stop until to the extent when I could not even walk.

4th Day:

It was 3am-ish when my dad realized I was dehydrated and brought me to general hospital. I was utterly displeased with everything provided. It was so irritating that I find it best to put it simple - list them. Here they are:

1) The services are utterly SLOW. I went there around 3 and arrived home at almost 6.
2) Toilet no tissue.
3) The medical attendant gave me activated charcoal and a glass of COLD WATER. MADAFAKAR I WAS TERRIBLY ILL WHAT GAVE YOU THE NERVES TO FEED ME WITH COLD WATER??? When asked, they replied no warm water. Goodness.
4) The doctor who attended me si beh lo so ahhhhh!!!!! He's a Chinese in mid-20s (fresh grad, I suppose). It's understandable if he asked an array of questions to understand my illness better due to him being inexperienced. I can even forgive him if he's not bright and probably slower. You know, Malaysian education nowadays. But, but, BUT, NO. He had the nerves to ask me a looooonnnnnggggg array of PERSONAL questions such as where I live what I study when am I going back blablaabla. Hey, I am here to get a MEDICAL treatment, not to receive a treatment for matchmaking so dood, if you want to get a girl, go fuck a nurse or even a doctor (based on how desperate you are, I doubt you are able to). I suppose he only dared to do so because my mom can't speak and understand Chinese. Try doing that if my dad's with me. Haha. I dare not imagine.
5) I was right!!! He was not bright. Aha!!! The medicine he prescribed were just panadol, HEAPS of activated charcoal and ORS (and ironically,he asked me not to take ORS because I told him I vomited after drinking ORS). Stupid.

Yeah, after the visit I did not get any better. Instead, I vomited even more. That cb doctor even asked me to drink water and I answered but I vomited, then he said, "Never mind, just vomit." FUCK LA IF I VOMIT UNTIL DEHYDRATED AND DIE HOW??? Before I die I shall write in my will to sue you ah. And I know your name ;) but I'll forget it soon lah since he's not even near to good-looking haha.

So, worried about my worsened condition, my dad immediately brought me to a family doctor, Dr William Voon (yay free advertising for him) and he was shocked that the doctor there did not prescribe me antibiotic. I was suffering from intestinal infection and antibiotic's what I need for me to stop vomiting, since my digestive system had gone haywire. I went home, took the medicine and slept.

5th Day:

Pig day. I slept almost whole day long, took medicine and had miniscule amount of light food namely porridge. I seriously had no appetite. But as the day goes on, I eventually felt better. Yay!

6th Day:

I could finally eat rice and some light vegetables. The quantity is very little, but at least I can eat solid food. Good good!!! I shall get better soon =D

Okay. I learned two things:

1) No more instant noodles (except Mee Daddy).
2) No more overnight food.

Lazy to post anything anymore. Bye.

Judging

2012-01-14T01:36:00.003+08:00

"Judging does not define those being judged; it defines those who judge."

I come to like this saying. It is indeed true, for every person's story, there is no one else who knows it except the person who actually experiences it. The story told by the first person is the most accurate, but not the story told by the third person. This is because the story told by the third person is mostly based on the third person's point of view, instead of the first person who experienced it. Hence, one cannot really trust the third person's story, unless the person is a narrator who narrates fictions. Since every person in this world is different, hence every story told by every third person differs by their perspective.

Let me narrate this example for a clearer view. A woman of my age (I am twenty-two this year for your information) bringing two children of ages one and three respectively to a grocery store. The first witness of this incident may thought that the woman had two children at a very tender age. Meanwhile, the second witness of this incident may not think so. Instead, that person may thought of her as a sister instead of a mother of these two children. Well, who knows? The third witness may not agree with the first and the second witness, and thought of her as the babysitter instead. The fourth witness may thought of her as a social worker. The fifth witness, with its own perspective, may thought that the woman was kidnapping those two and bringing them to grocery. Well, the possibility is endless. But do these possibilities really tell the relationship between the woman and the children? No. Instead, it reflected what kind of person are the respective witnesses. Why? Since everyone is different, and nobody other than the woman knows the true story behind the incident, so all they can do is to assume, and then based on their own way of thinking, they judge.

The thing that I want to bring out today is not only about judging, but also how wrong it is. To be frank, every third person of every story has no right to judge, unless they fully know the story of the first person in the story. It is human nature not to put themselves into others' shoes but to judge simply based on their way of thinking. Sad, but true. They are not aware that they are in no position to judge the first person of the story, because they do not experience it at all. They are just witnesses.

Why do I say it is wrong to judge? Judging often leads to another thing, which is gossiping. Gossips eventually lead to rumours, which mostly tarnish one person's namesake, or more often, speaks out a person's personality not based on themselves, but based on the mouths of other people. It is a sad thing to see so many celebrities' reputation being depraved for nothing, because of the stories made up by the paparazzi. And whose fault is it to be blamed? The paparazzi, but not entirely, because they are just earning a living.

Then who should we put an accusing finger to? Has anyone studied economics? The basic of economics is "There is supply only when there is demand". Just like prostitution (I know it is a terrible example but hey, it is the oldest profession in the world, and sad to say it is still standing strong), the rumour-turned-news all started from the dirty thoughts of the readers of the magazine. It is sad to say that most readers often seek out for negative rumours regarding the celebrities. And where do all these come from? Judgement, of course.It all comes back to judgement. Just because a celebrity wears a bareback turtleneck which shows her cleavage, that does not mean she is a slut. Just because HyunA played sexy (terribly sexy) roles in music videos, particularly Trouble Maker and Bubble Pop, that does not mean she is cheap and skanky. Just because a woman aged 22 is bringing two young children into a grocery store does not mean she is their mother. And lots more.

Hence, for every witness, when you see a woman bringing two children to a grocery store, do not judge, which will be followed by story telling to another person, which will eventually become a rumour and thus ruining her reputation. No one but her knows the true story. Instead, with no judgement in your head, start be a kind neighbour and go help her. She not only brings children, she also has to carry groceries. Show your kindness to your neighbours instead of judging.

p/s: It has been a while since I last wrote an essay. Have I gone rusty? LOL.

Facade

2012-01-13T17:21:00.005+08:00

My mask is slowly peeling of bit by bit...many has seen my truly ugly side already...

I wonder when will be the time when the mask finally comes off and my ugly, cowardly side comes out. If that happens, I wonder what comes next, and how will I handle it.

Kuching is SO SMALL

2012-01-06T00:17:00.002+08:00

One Kuching guy has become famous, or more accurately, notorious thanks to Facebook. Do one thing, the whole Kuching will recognize him. LOL. He was a jerk and everyone in Kuching spread it around. Yeah Jon Chin, next time people see you you will get all the attention and fame you have been craving for **sarcasm intended**

And did I not mention everytime I go out, I will at least meet FIVE familiar faces? This just proves how small Kuching is.

p/s: Please pray for Kho Yin Wi and Hermas Sihas, whose body is yet to be found. Want to know more google. I lazy comment.

Clueless

2012-01-05T16:05:00.003+08:00

No, I don't mean the "emotionally-sentimental-feelings-towards-ambiguity-state-of-love-aka-ai-mei". Nor do I mean choosing between iPhone 4S or iPad (though I am positive I'll definitely choose iPad because I can have a better smartphone). Nor do I also mean having dilemma between clothes (in Kuching, there are not much choices anyway).

Yes, I mean the fucking research. I was so enthusiastic about the research and thought I had the idea of what I was doing. But now, the more I read the research papers, the more clueless I am. I am getting unsure of what am I supposed to do for the research. So fucking thermo (and it's WAY tougher than thermo). FML.

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!! Forget research today. Time to turn on my playlist and listen to music while reading manga XD

*currently playing Big Bang's Tonight <3 *

Just for the sake of typing

2012-01-04T23:53:00.003+08:00

My blog is google-able, but so what? Nobody fucking reads my blog nowadays. Hence, I can pour out anything that is bugging me.

I have nothing to write at the moment. I just feel like typing. Research not yet done. Procrastinating, as usual. CNY shopping not done, like duh. I am bored staying at home everyday either babysitting or surfing the net. Meh. Wish I came back to Kuching earlier and find a job instead. Well, there used to be a vacancy at an Apple retail reseller, and I did not apply because I thought I'll do research, which in fact I can do it at home. FML. Otherwise, I would be able to earn some cash for my own use, instead of rotting away at home everyday doing NOTHING.

Blehh. I have nothing to write.

Misconception

2012-01-02T01:17:00.002+08:00

It's now 2012. I have lived for 21 good years (by overall standards, at least I have a shelter, I have food and still living). I know many people but I have only a handful of friends whom I really feel comfortable with and are able to open up to. Yeah, that is me all right. I can name all friends whom I really feel comfortable to talk to and they are less than my age.

Yet, I cannot stand people simply making assumptions about who I am. I don't care about you or what you think of me, because by judging me it does not tell who I am, but rather, who are you. But the thing is, even those whom you have known for long still have misconceptions about you just make you feel...misunderstood? LOL. Can't think of any better words to put it in for now so bear with it.

I am friendly, but do not socialize like what. It's usually people who come to me and start talking to me. I do not simply approach strangers and strike a conversation. I probably did back then when I was much younger before I thought that was something only an idiotic fool will do. I am not like that today. I will only start making friends if the other person was friendly to me.

People who usually caught me lightening up the atmosphere by being the loudest among the crowd and doing some entertaining silly gestures usually misunderstand me as some sort of class clown. I only make a fool out of myself with a crowd where all or most of my close friends are with me. But when I am around people whom I do not really feel comfortable with, I do not open up. Instead I just listen to their tales without sharing my own. To me, I think why bother opening up if the other people are more interested in sharing theirs? Let them be the limelight. I only open up if people ask me. So I am NOT that easy after all, huh?

I am friendly and nice to everyone, but I pick who to be comfortable with. If there is no chemistry between me and the people, why bother trying? I pick my friends. Not by status, or academic results, or by wealth, or by looks, but by this "chemistry" thing. So, if I talk non-stop to you or start making a fool out of myself in front of you, congrats. Otherwise, I would just smile there and be silent.

By the way, this somehow reminded me of my early university days where people misunderstood me as someone unfriendly and fierce because I was so quiet back then and did not smile. Well, to bring the truth to light, I do not smile for nothing unless I am happy. Otherwise, I would just put this stoic poker face which look "sour", according to my mom and my close friends =="" And my Mandarin was rather bad back then so I did not dare to talk much. But not today. HAH!!! My Mandarin improved much more compared to last time HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Anyways, Happy New Year =D

A More Positive Ending

2011-12-30T15:23:00.002+08:00

I know one thing for sure, 2012 will not happen. Those are just nonsensical bullcraps stated by lifeless creeps who have nothing better to do. Meh.

Moving on, I have some hopeful resolutions to list which will keep me from wanting to die. Haha.

1) Lose weight. It's a joy to look great despite not being slim but there's always a room for improvement =)

2) HD. Not one, but ALL. And let it be consistent. I come from an Asian family who thinks that anything below HD and 1st class honours is a failure. Talking about pressure here =)

3) Drink less. I drank too much this year. I should drink less next year. It's making me FAT.

4) I also don't know. But one thing for sure I'll definitely get a new smartphone next year (so sad). Saves money (can whatsapp and viber talk). Either iPhone or Samsung or Sony lo...HTC's ugly.

5) iPad 2's tempting.

6) New hairstyle. This one's a must-do thing. I found out some bitch has the same hairstyle as me (just because she wants to be me...okay I know I'm perasan but still I can't stand having her ugly face putting on my hairstyle...ewww...). Dye, cut, shave, whatever!!!

My list seems to get shorter each year. Maybe I'm too pessimistic already. Argh. Hate the pessimism which is eating me inside out. Fuck. FML. Meh.

End of 2011

2011-12-30T15:12:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow's the last day of this shitty year (I find shitty).

At the end of the year, here I am, overweight, single, no outstandingly satisfying results for studies and 1st time celebrating birthday in a shittiest manner (and will be like this again for the next two years).

Speaking of birthday, my dad suggested a birthday bash next year to make up for my shitty 21st birthday this year. I replied, saying that it is no use celebrating once you're over 21 dy. Every year just marks a year closer for me to die. Ah, the pessimistic remark. It sure took him aback for a moment.

One thing I learned this year, which I find it useful. Whatever shit happens, there is no compensation. All I can do is to swallow the shit in my life and embrace it, for shit is part of my life =) ah, the pessimistic remark again. I don't know. Too much shit happens and I'm too lazy to even bother and give a fuck about it.

Within this year, rum and vodka have been my new best friends. I somehow express myself better when I am drunk compared to when I am sober. Of course, the terrible hangover is a price to pay though.

It gets harder and harder for me to express my feelings to people as I age. All I can do now is to drown myself into sea of vodka. Well, at least it took me away from reality for a few years.

Ah I hate the pessimism!!! Wish 2012 can be an optimistic year!!! I don't want it to end so soon!!! There's nothing particularly good happening to me that are able to make me forget all the shit, so let me live longer to forget all the shit by letting all the good stuff happening to me okayy???

Ah. Seriously. Wish I can go to Perth faster than I can.

Random Stress Post

2011-12-28T02:42:00.003+08:00

Just reached episode 8 of Secret Garden hiak hiak hiak XD so far the movie's hilarious and I like it =D it sounds sad though to see how some people can be utterly realistic.

I'm now at 2nd year and at this rate I don't know whether I can get 1st class honours or not :'( to be honest, I am satisfied with 2nd upper (my current stand) but for an Asian family, 2nd upper honours is considered a mediocre and I should struggle to obtain 1st class. Ah the stress.

I would have to cut down SO MANY THINGS, which can make up a list in order to obtain 1st class honours (STRESS), which are:

1) SLEEP - I sleep often during study. Cheap coffee does no good to my brain either. And I can't afford Starbucks or good-quality super-duper THICK espresso everyday, can I?
2) FACEBOOK/TWITTER/BLOGSTALKING/YOUTUBING/READING ARTICLES (in short, ONLINE) - My internet connection is GOOD (thumbs up, thanks to Streamyx) so I am assured I will not be short of internet. However, discipline is what I need to cut down online hours to add up to my tutorial hours.
3) MAIN GAMES - Ahhhhhh............I like playing computer/online games HELL LOT. It releases stress. You know, engineering is a stressful course for someone not-so-intelligent-who-only-manages-2nd-upper-class-honours-standard. Yes, it's stressful. Believe me.
4) CLUBBING - Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh............cold beer (no kick), cold vodka, either pure shot or mixed (refreshingly kick), rum (gives me some taste) and not to forget, a stage and LOUD MUSIC. I love me movin movin, yo. Shake ma hips till I'm gonna drop, even if we're tipsy we're still not down!!! Once in a blue moon. Not every weekend. You know why? Firstly, alcohol = FAT, and hell no I gained weight. Therefore, no alcohol. Secondly, alcohol + dance, not to forget the supper after partying = EXTRA SLEEPING HOURS and extra sleeping hours = LESS STUDY HOURS = DIE. Okay you get the picture.
5) Hanging out with friends aka kawan-kawan sekalian while minum-minum. This wastes money and time aka study time, so do it only once in a blue moon. What better way to hang out with friends by STUDYING??? =D Okay, what about non-engineering friends? Simple, sama-sama makan lo =D I am so smart RAIT???

I seriously have serious biological clock problem. I have sleeping issues. I can only sleep at 5am onwards. Too much clubbing or watching movies till late at night may be the cause. Ngehh~~~

Break

2011-12-26T15:02:00.002+08:00

Since I cannot do anything to my license or whatsoever, the best thing I can do now is to wait until I meet up with my friend to settle my HYSYS. Blame me for being computer idiot. Yeah, I may be good at calculus but when it comes to programming shit, I truly suck. I even wondered how did I even scored a distinction for PE&A? =X no lah, my simulation skills kinda rock okay =p I'm born to simulate, not to program. Programming and simulating are two different things.

Okay, stop that bullshitting. Bottom line is, I am NOT doing anything related to HYSYS at the moment. I'll just sit back and watch Korean dramas. Secret Garden at the moment =D

p/s: Gil Ra-im (Ha Ji-won) is just SOOOOOO PWEEEEETTTTTTEEEEHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I truly admire those beauties even with boyish image. Anyone can be beautiful with best makeup and loveliest dresses but not everyone can pull off cool chic image yet maintaining the beauty there =D

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T00:50:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas!!!

All I want for Christmas is YOU, HYSYS to be installed and functioning properly so that I can proceed to my darned research!!!

And of course, JOY.

Super short post I know. Lazy is the reason. Okay tata off to bed. Need to go to church tomorrow morning.

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2011-12-24T01:52:00.000+08:00

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Troublesome HYSYS

2011-12-21T15:09:00.002+08:00

HYSYS, how can you be such a pain in the ass!!! Just as I thought I had successfully installed you, something goes wrong and I have to search up to and fro which part have I gone wrong!!! Arrrrghhhh!!!!! Look at me, I have messy hair, pimplish face and sour face. Well, not gonna let the readers (I doubt there is even a single reader nowadays) see my current state hahaha!!!

Why would I agree to do simulation as my research at the very first place? ==""" it's not like I'm highly-paid for it.

Please, work this time, for my research's sake.

London 2012

2011-12-19T22:15:00.001+08:00

I must be crazy. Why on earth would I think of winning a lottery ticket to purchase a flight ticket to LONDON and watch the opening ceremony and probably a couple football matches for Olympics 2012???

It's good to dream big, but it's even better if it becomes reality XD kan???

Crazy Random Idea

2011-12-17T23:44:00.003+08:00

This is a random post based on what I have observed around. Haha.

Everytime I go eat out, shop, or visit any public toilet, I will always see old uncles and aunties doing dirty jobs such as cleaning toilets, washing dishes or mopping the floor. It is heart-wrecking seeing them doing such dirty jobs at an old age when they are supposed to be enjoying life after all the hardship they went through when they are younger. If not old uncles or aunties, they would be those who came from outskirts. When I was working as a waitress-cashier in a restaurant, I realized those doing those lowly dirty jobs such as cleaner and dishwasher are those who are illiterate and came from outskirts. These elderly and unfortunate ones serve customers at a very low pay of RM500 per month, and they were not being shown some gratitude from customers younger than them.

It saddens me seeing them suffering like this when they could have lived a better life.

Meanwhile, those "highly-educated" young people who were customers were often being rude to the waitresses and often complained about petty things. Yes, it is customers' rights, but even simple thing such as "plates not beautiful" or "fork too small" also blame workers meh? Grow up. You are using your parents' money. You have no right to be haughty and make workers' lives difficult. There is one time when I encountered a customer deliberately broke a glass simply because she was angry. You break glass, who clean up in the end? It was us. What gives you the right to act as a spoilt brat and us to clean up your mess? Waitresses are paid to serve, not to be your slaves. Please respect them as well.

How come I am able to type out such statements? Don't I wish to be treated like royalty in restaurants? Well, I worked before, as a waitress, a promoter and a salesgirl, so I know how it feels. Truly pity those who work as a job that serves others.

This somehow gave me a crazy idea and if it was to be implemented, I guess millions would have to thank me for that!!!

It goes like this. High school leavers, especially in urban areas should be made mandatory to work in service field, such as cleaner, waitress, dishwasher, pizza boy/girl and if they score really excellent results, a cashier and a salesgirl in a retail field. They should be made mandatory to work in any of those dirty jobs as one of the requirements to enter university.
Question: You must be crazy!!! They should be focusing on studies and having fun at such a tender age. Why do such dirty jobs?

Reply: Simple. They live an extremely comfortable life and do not know what it takes to suffer. They do not know empathy, hence disrespect those workers doing dirty jobs that are referred to as "low-class". So why not let each and every one of them have a dose of it so that they learn to respect those workers?

Question: If they all occupy the workplace, then what about those uncles and aunties who need the job?

Reply: They deserve to be supervisors and trainers, since they are experienced. Their pay can be increased, whereas those students their pay need not be high. This is to let them know money is hard to earn. That way, they will not spend extravagantly.

Comment: Isn't it a bit too far-fetched to make them do dirty jobs just to teach them a lesson?

Reply: It's not a punishment or some sort of thing. Instead, I call it a process of growing up. Sweat tastes sweet after a long day of hard work. Well, imagine doing an eight-hour waitress job for RM30. At the end of the day, when they receive the pay, they would have this unexplainable satisfaction in themselves. Hence, they would know how to spend that "hard-earned money" wisely. The feeling of earning and spending your own hard-earned money is much more satisfying than just receiving money from parents by doing nothing. Then, someday when they turn into successful professionals, they can actually say that they had suffered during younger days when they worked as cleaners, waitresses or dishwashers. They were not spoilt brats who never do hard work but instead just study and ended up as professionals.

Another thing. I bet the work quality would increase because the work is done by youngsters instead of the elderly. Imagine an old woman with back pain and failing eyesight mopping an entire floor in a shopping mall. Then came a young 18-year-old girl taking over the old woman's job to mop the floor. Who can mop the floor faster and cleaner?

The old people can actually earn more money for themselves and do not need to do heavy job. Now isn't that helping them? =)

Question: What about those illiterate ones mentioned earlier?

Answer: They are given full time job with slightly higher pay and workers' bonus. Like that lah.

Hahahahahahahaahahaha.

I run out of words.

Home For REAL

2011-12-15T00:50:00.002+08:00

Yayyy I am finally HOME!!! After struggling for weeks to do the dreadful research, I can say I am DONE. For now though. I like the feeling of being free from all and all I can think of is to take my cell phone and call my girl friends out. Guys too, for a drinking session (I can drink better than some guys. Mark my words.) which of course will make all of us ended up wasted haha.

Nothing much to post at the moment.

By the way, this I would really need to say. Opened my fb and saw his most recent picture on news feed. Omg he gained weight. LOL. But since he's kind of quick in paying me back the money ok lah he's still good looking =D

I can't wait for this Friday night. Some sort of reunion dinner with friends, though there are only like...4 of us??? Never mind, it's the quality, not quantity that matters. I would prefer to hang out with my close friends in groups of less than 5 and have some lengthy conversation that last for hours. I do not really like the idea of hanging out with more than 10 girls and yet I do not really know what to say. I love partying but that does not mean I am not shy. I am pretty quiet with acquaintances normally. I only open up to my friends (those who know me well can describe how crazy I can get XD).

Yeah, enough blabbering. Bed time.

First Lazy Post from ICT Lab

2011-12-07T12:46:00.001+08:00

Okay, so here goes. This 21-year-old all-average girl with a few kilos to lose and a lazy bum is currently sitting inside the ICT lab in her university while doing some research and readings. She has to present a suitable case study by this weekend (tight deadline, huh?) so that she can start her simulation by Monday. And yes, she is freezing COLD. By the way, this girl is the author herself, which is none other than yours truly. I know, what a lame way to start my post.

Anyway, I find doing research tedious, as this research is actually equivalent to FYP (Final Year Project). It's not as tough, since it is catered for undergraduates. Still, it is very tough because I only started my second year and I lack of many knowledge prior to the research I am currently doing. Yeah, struggling babeh. All for the sake of some petty cash and of course, experience which cannot be bought monetarily. Of course, I suffer now but I'll find myself on a comfortable spot during my final year when I am doing my FYP.

Doing all these research makes me thinking that engineering is not really my cup of tea. Sure, I am good at maths, calculus and physical chemistry, and about average (can be above if I struggle, note the IF), but there is no passion or anything that drives me to score super high marks apart from kiasuness which is overpowered by my laziness. I mean, the things that I really like and are good at, I will still score high even if I do not put much effort, simply because the passion is there. It would be either psychology, film making or even acting. Making business is not bad as well. But oh well, taking up an engineering degree is a way of pushing my limits and a proof of my capability (provided I don't start being lazy LAH).

Yes, I am currently lazing off and skipping my research thing. I am LAZY.

But I would very much want to skip one semester and take up any course I desire for one semester. Of course, in other countries far far away, so as to experience culture shock LOL.

Physics is not my cup of tea. DEFINITELY.

I want to stay in Switzerland for half a year and experience its beautiful culture and surrounding. Well, I used to want to stay in Japan and experience its culture but somehow I fear the yakuza and the hentai people there LOL. Look how notoriority can lead to stereotypism and thus fear hahaha!!!

Okay. I am too lazy to post anything else already. Lunch time!!

p/s: I am currently on a weight loss regime. Just successfully lose a kilo (which doesn't make any difference). Oh well, will try to lose 3-4 kilos before CNY hahaha!!!
p/s/s: Losing weight is DIFFICULT, but during CNY it is easy to GAIN back. FUCK.

Results Out

2011-11-24T18:59:00.001+08:00

Okay. The results are finally out. I'm two days later simply because of the so-called sanction, which is caused by "incomplete documents". What a thing to sanction. Hahaha *sarcasm intended*.

In overall, I am grateful with my results. Well, at least I passed all. Congrats to me.

I am not happy with my results though. There is no HD at all!!! I understand that this is the second year and if you managed to pass you should be satisfied. But still, looking at my results make me feel that I can do better.

In a way, I think my results are kind of cute. Three out of four papers score the exact same marks. LOL. Speaking of consistency here, my effort is rather proportional here, I suppose. I deserve such marks for all three papers, although I must admit, I put in more effort for PP and PEA compared to Chem 102, which I only studied the night before. This may be due to my overconfidence due to prior study in most of the topics when I was in form 6. Well, this is enough to teach me not to be too complacent but to strive harder for Chem 101 next semester.

Thermodynamics is a killer subject. I know I should be grateful I can score a credit while some could barely pass or even failed to pass. But still, I feel like I could have done better. Sure, the paper itself is a bomb, and I studied hard enough, I honestly felt like I should be given a D. Sadly, the paper itself is difficult for me to score. Blame me for not scoring well during my quizzes. Meh. I studied but there is always something wrong during the quizzes (1 and 3, to be exact). For quiz 1, I forgot the simple 1st Law and screwed up, and I was penalized because I did not write down the justifications. For quiz 3, I drew wrong graph because I saw the saturated pressure wrongly. Then when I redid everything, I did not have enough time to finish, hence the lower marks than what I deserve. Sad, huh?

Nevertheless, I will have to strive harder for next semester. Based on my current level, I am only eligible for 2nd Honours. No space for 1st Class (in fact, far from it). Never mind, I will strive harder.

But for now, let me enjoy the holidays besides doing my research, which is a good kick start for my FYP.

That was it, I guess.

Home, Research and Mixed Feelings

2011-11-17T00:53:00.001+08:00

I am at home now. It is all thanks to my lecturer who went home for a holiday that I am able to go home for a short break before continuing my research. Alas, there is no holiday after all because I would have to read up the past research papers, case studies, past theses and find additional information on my own. Yes, that means I would have to stay at home reading things everyday.

I am glad that I am home. Somehow, I am not as glad as how I should feel. Ecstatic? Excited? Overjoyed? Jumping all over? I felt neither of those, surprisingly. It's just like...yay I'm home. And that was it. My flight was delayed from 9pm until 12am wtf dammit. I ended up reaching Kuching at 1am, had supper then went to bed. LOL. Typical.

I seriously do not know how to put my feelings into words. It's a combination of I also don't know what. These feelings somehow stopped me from doing my reading so I can say I am done for the day (err, in fact, it's already the next day).

After staring at the monitor for some time, I think I know what to type.

"What am I to you?"

Okay. There. I let it out. Felt better now. Yeah, the typical reach-home-then-call-friends-when-to-lim-teh-then-arrange-here-arrange-there-transport-booking-then-meet-up-then-drink-drink-drink-chit-chat-chit-chat-then-go-home-with-a-hole-in-the-pocket-but-it-does-not-matter thing does not apply this time. I somehow turned down a few lim-teh dates not because I don't like to lim-teh anymore, but I just do not have the mood. It's the family that matters the most to me. I have only two weeks at home. What else can I do if not accompany my family?

Fuck la!!! These feelings keeps me fucking perturbed. If only I could cast aside those feelings and keep it somewhere.

This is fucking annoying. I hate this part, I FUCKING HATE THIS PART.

There, I said it.

Biatch

2011-11-08T23:51:00.002+08:00

Yes, YOU. You know there is a saying that goes like this? "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it." I detest hypocrites...A LOT. And you happen to be one of them. Want to say something, say it right to my face lah. Or at least tell me who you are.

Ugh. Makes my blood boil for some wretches like you.

Research

2011-11-07T21:46:00.002+08:00

Come on, faster let me start. I want to start asap and go home asap. Meh.

I fear one thing though. The lecturer I'm under is rumoured to be a very pushy person who likes to push her students to the limit, especially if she finds her students having the potential. Well, I guess I am just average but who knows right? Who knows she might be excited or pressured and thus pushing us students to do research overnight or so on. But facing the computer whole day and probably night is definitely not good for my eyes, so I guess I'd better prepare myself a new pair of glasses by the time I reach home. Never mind. Time to change my pair of glasses hahaha!!!

This is super random, but I want an iPhone 4S and a chronograph watch. Firstly, my current phone now starts to malfunction and secondly, I have no watch at the moment.

Nothing much to blah. But research's not gonna be easy, huh? Especially if most of my research mates are final year students (screw me for choosing such a difficult topic). LOL. But I guess that's who I am, loving to take challenges and testing myself beyond my capabilities. Then I'll start complaining and whining. I'm such a crap, I know.

Things I'll Do In 2012

2011-11-07T00:54:00.002+08:00

I realize one thing. I am no longer young. I am already 21. Legal. I need to do something crazy which every young people wants to do before I step into working realm and then realize it's too late for me to be crazy no matter how much I want to be.

Fatten my bank account first, definitely.

1) Attend at least a superstar concert. Heck, I only live once and I better live it the right way dammit!!!
2) Borneo Jazz and Rainforest, you're both MINE muahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!! Yea babeh!!!
3) Travel without my parents. Not to small places like KK lah...probably to bigger places...I mean I travel alone and find my friends, not travelling with friends. LOL. Planning to travel to Singapore and KL alone while finding my friends. Hey is that dangerous? No, right? I have friends there.
4) Confirm no time to do charitable trip or to do goodwill voluntary jobs in developing countries, but if there is any chance I'd be most glad to do so =D
5) Do something embarrassing and stupid, so stupid that I'll laugh back when I am old. LOL.

Anyway, I realize I danced better than studio dancers. And I am not even trying. I am just partying and yet I dance better ;) oh well, a hardcore party girl =p just that for some reason most of my friends are passive. And those crazy ones seem so normal when they're with me. LOL. It's kind of hard to find hardcore party-iers who can handle my craziness.

Nuff said. I want PARTAYY!!! At least before I begin my research.

I Wonder

2011-11-03T19:34:00.004+08:00

It's been a while since I last touched this deserted blog of mine. I know most of my posts seem rather emotional or sentimental or whatsoever. I know it very well, for being emotional and sentimental are my nature, and I cannot change it, can I?

Okay, so finals have ended in a sweet way (thank God I can attempt most questions for my last paper despite extremely last-minute revision). And ironically, the end of finals marks the beginning of my legal days. Guess how I spent my legal days? Dozing off, of course. Well, I guess my dream to get a chronograph watch for my birthday present (I have this instant liking towards this Swatch chronograph watch) is impossible to achieve. Meh. Blame me for not being pretty enough to have anyone to give it to me. LOL. Nah, just kidding.

Here I am stuck in this suburb in Miri doing research for absolutely FREE. Of course I am disappointed not to be able to obtain the RM1000 funding. But I am okay with it because I am onoy a 2nd year student and they would of course prefer to give the money away to some senior year students as they have more knowledge prior to research compared to mine. Never mind, no sour grapes. I am positive =D In a way, it is good doing research as it helps me in my final year. It'll be a priceless experience doing some research with very little knowledge I'm currently having. I mean, it is like building a castle with only some bricks and a shovel and sand. No cement. I'll have to find ways to build with no further knowledge at all. Now isn't this interesting??? =D FYI I am doing simulation and modelling research on conserving resources. Hahaha!!!

One thing. I am BROKE. I am in dire need of cash right now as it is the end of semester and I still have one month to stay. OMG.

Truth to be told, I miss home. I miss my bed, my mom's cooking, my dogs, the children, and of course, my FAMILY and FRIENDS. I miss how Kuching is WAY better than Miri. Sigh. I could have been pampered at home now instead of getting stuck here.

Getting stuck here made me think of some of the things which I should not think of. I mean, promiscuous guy is not some person whom I should fall for. Even I myself do not have any idea why I would even fall for this kind of guy. All I can do is to care for him. Hopefully he will mature and understands his responsibility in life instead of throwing it away by wasting his time away. Hopefully he'll love himself more, as he was the one who asked me to love myself. I don't know. Somehow I felt the warmth and gentleness, but then again, NO.

Gah. If only I can take my feelings as something which I can just take out from my heart and wrap it inside a box and then bury it somewhere far. Of course, when I do that, I hope he will not be able to find it.

Let's just hope he will not read this blog of mine (definitely though, as if he's so free to read this blog of mine).

I guess this post sums up my current state =)

A Letter To My Future Boyfriend/Husband

2011-09-19T00:16:00.003+08:00

Dear you,

If you someday get to be my boyfriend, I hope you will come across reading my blog. I have told my friends that if I were to get married to you, I do not need a diamond ring (if you want to give me CAN). All I need is a simple ring engraved with "ILY". This is because I'll put you above me. I was involved in a relationship before and I knew how did I love someone. It kind of failed which kind of made me hurt and upset, but now no more. I was hurt for a period of time because of the broken relationship. I even lost myself.

Guess what? I met someone who actually lifted the pain away from me and I stopped feeling hurt thanks to that someone. I had this liking towards this someone and in fact I even thought that I had fallen in love to him. But it was one-sided so I guess I should forget about it. Never mind. Anyway I should thank him somehow (there'll be a chance).

I am currently comfortable being single but if you are to enter my life I hope these are the things you can do to me:

1) Be loyal.
2) Never lie.
3) Make me feel secure, so that I can trust you wholeheartedly.
4) Love me and allow me to love you.
5) Allow me to be myself and don't try to change me.

These five things may seem simple but most men cannot do all 5 of these. But I hope when we someday meet and you read this you're prepared to do all these 5 things for me. It's because once you enter my life I'll give up my freedom for you, and freedom means a lot to me.

Anyway, if you were to be mine, the primary reason is because of your heart. Probably your looks attract me, but it's your heart that makes me give mine to you.

p/s: Whoever you are, please don't laugh when you read this!!! This is one freaking random letter okay? ==

Regards.

Top 5 Signs You're a Full-time University Student

2011-08-08T18:04:00.003+08:00

1) Irregular sleeping hours
You sleep at 11am and wake up at 1pm. You then stay up all night and sleep in the morning. Wait, you have night class. Gah. Sleep in the afternoon. Morning class the next day, yet assignments piling. Sleep for one or two hours first, then continue doing assignments. In short, your biological clock will never be fixed unless you're having semester break.

2) Irregular eating hours
You have a breakfast as early as 7 or as late as 10. You either skip lunch or have your lunch as late as 3pm. You either have early dinner around 5 something or late dinner around 8 something.

3) Assignments complain; Clubbing no complain
You have an assignment due tomorrow, hence causing you to stay up until 3am. You complain. You went to clubbing with friends all night long until the sun rises, and you have an 8am class the next day. You do not complain.

4) You begin to talk dirty
In high school, if anyone happened to say something dirty, people will give you some disapproving stares. In university, if you squeal or try avoiding talking something dirty, people will give you some disapproving stares. Come on. It's a university, which students are mostly 18 and above. Even girls are discussing openly about their virginity with their male campusmates.

5) You feel as if there are too many things to handle
Well, of course. In high school, people help us complete our tasks. Here, we are given tasks to complete all on our own. To begin with, you need to seek for help. Minimal help is given, and you think that they're very selfish. You need to start managing your own expenses, time, assignments, schedules and the list goes on and on and on. If you still find your lifestyle relaxing, well, it's probably because you still have this high school mentality that things will just go shazam and poof! It's solved. No.

LOL. That's it for now.

A Struggle

2011-08-01T16:17:00.002+08:00

I seriously don't know what am I thinking.

Okay, I get to know this one nice guy. He's handsome, nice, gentlemen and all that. He has a very nice smile which he always wears.

Yeah, it would be something wrong if such a nice guy is still single. Hence, he is taken. Yup. Taken. He has a steady girlfriend and their relationship's going on very well. Yeah, there is one point which he had a dinner with his friends and he left his friends just to have a phone conversation with his girlfriend. So sweet.

Yet, I cannot help liking this guy. I know he is a guy whom I should not like. He has a girlfriend. I should not have feelings for him, or even wishing to be his girlfriend. I used to have a boyfriend too, and a girl who likes him. She kept on approaching him and voila, congratulations. Both of them are officially a couple now (actually they were already together for some time, not long after we broke up). I clearly know how it feels to have someone else meddling my relationship and have it all ruined. The problem is not entirely her but she's also part of it. When a third person shows up, the one who got hurt the most is not the third person, but the one whom who's in a relationship. The betrayal is unbearable.

I should not like this guy. Once I start liking him, I'll have the desire to be with him. Seeing him being so nice to his girlfriend will make me wish I'm her. I hate it when I think I'm having the same thoughts as my ex's girlfriend. But at least I do not make a move, okay?

I'm in a struggle. Why am I liking someone whom I should not like? I won't steal him away from his girlfriend. I do not want to hurt anyone, unlike my ex's girlfriend who is selfish. No, I understand that feeling and I will not do that.

Sigh. Life can be pretty amusing at times.

Year 2 Sem 1

2011-07-15T12:00:00.002+08:00

I'll be a Year 2 student officially in 3 days' time. Wow, the thought of it just makes me nervous. Heard from seniors I have to learn everything from scratch. It is no longer about theory, it's about application. These application requires lots of maths, chemistry and physics. Cool. These sucky combination will definitely make my life MUCH tougher. I am scared. Yes, I am. Can I make it? Can I pass? If I pass, can I score? Well, I do not take a scholarship just to pass, right? Of course I am expecting to score as much as possible, although my 1st year results turned out to be just average. Not good. I was paid so much to of course get excellent results. Not just pass. Most people can pass. But not everyone can outshine. I know I am not smart and not talented or what, but of course I have to put in effort, and when I say effort, it will mean less game, more stress and more workload. Meaning less time to have fun. Meh. I guess my priority will go like this: Study, then play, then sleep. What is a university student without playing? LOL. But of course, if I were to choose to study and play, I would definitely choose to study. Don't play play. 2nd year ain't easy, and its course weightage is 2x the 1st year course weightage.

Wish me luck yeah!!!

信任

2011-07-11T01:39:00.001+08:00

有时候越是诚恳

烦恼越是残忍

告诉我爱要多认真

才能让心声开出信任

盲目到奋不顾身

是否是感情必经的过程

告诉我爱要多认真

才不会有淘汰的可能

明明听得见哭声

却装作不闻不问

原来最单纯的信任

需要两个相爱的人

I Need Strength

2011-07-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

I know. If I were born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I would most definitely be a second year psychology student right now. Psychologists are low-paid unless they open their own clinic, and I am more interested in social studies when it comes to psychology. That would mean the major I am interested in has a low pay. But if I were rich money is just something which I do not covet, instead I would pursue my own interest. Yup that is what rich people do. And usually rich people will say money does not bring happiness, or rather, money is not everything. Wish I can say that.

Money is something important to me, if not everything. I am now taking up a difficult course which I have some interest in yet do not have any confidence whether I can succeed or not. My results so far has been nothing but merely a mediocre. It is good, but not impressive. To be rich good is not enough.

I'm currently having crossroads in my life. Am I doing the right thing? Studying something which I am not really capable of. Linguistics, social studies and commerce studies are more of my thing. I am a non-science person. My big-headed nature made me choose this course though, with Physics being one of the biggest obstacle for me. There is no chemistry between that subject and I. Seriously. At least I am going along well with Chem, while for Maths I do not have any problem with it except of my major carelessness. But second year is an extremely difficult year, in accordance to my seniors. Like my brother said, if I get average results for first year, how would I expect to perform better or to shift from average to outstanding for the second year, which is a HUGE transition between these two years? I seriously do not know. One thing from him. Just aim a pass. I know. But, if I were to just pass, I am no different from any other graduates, and hence I will not make big money. Ahhh the stress!!!

I know I have to go on regardless of whether I like it or not. I would have to move on and continue struggling. Hence, I need a lot of strength to endure. Of course, I need more "brains" to make things work. Cramming everything in 12 weeks while completing assignments, reports and projects all simultaneously does not equal to easy. Let us not forget the frequent quizzes and mid-terms. I really need strength and brains. Of course, God's grace. Lord, please bless me so that I can go through my second year smoothly and pass every test and exam with flying colours. Of course, let me complete my assignments on time and score superb marks. LOL. So kiasu.

Is it possible for me to do better in my second year compared to first year?

Oh yes, yet another winding rant from me.

Wrong

2011-07-08T15:23:00.002+08:00

**WARNING: This is a very emo post which I poured out merely from my feelings without any filter or whatsoever. If you do not want to feel blue and down, you may not read this post. Thank you. **

Just got back my results. Once again, my results disappointed me. Then I began to think, "Am I not fit to take up engineering course?" You see, if I obtained such results for my first year, what more is there to say the second year subject, which is even tougher and the weightage is even higher? Meh. I think when I graduate I'll probably graduate without any honours. Such graduates are not in demand. Then I am nothing but wasting time.

After I obtained my results, I went to some university websites which offered psychology courses and how long does it take or what. I ever thought of quitting my current course and studied psychology. What about the fees? Loan is the answer. Yeah, I thought of quitting. Probably I am just not fit to be an engineer. Physics is not my cup of tea and I am just a mediocre among my coursemates whose Physics is much better than my level.

Needless to say, my family was disappointed with my results. I knew I had let them down. Then, my relatives all came to me and said, "You are lucky to be able to study in a university. Study hard and smart, and make your family proud." I swear that tears nearly fell from my eyes that very moment. It's not that I did not struggle at all. I did try. Yet I am just rated as "average". I am neither intelligent nor outstanding. But I am already halfway and if I stop I'm wasting everything; time, family's hopes on me and the taxpayers' money. Hence, I have to go on, regardless of what is happening. If struggling until half-dead is what I have to do, then I have to do. But if I am still stuck at the same level after all the struggling, then I really don't know what else I can do.

I seriously felt really shitty. There are times when I felt that I am really useless. I suck in doing engineering, and I am not special enough to truly captivate a person long enough to appreciate me and see me as something precious. To think that I am so easily replaced further shattered my ego and my self-confidence. I really feel down. I suck in studies, I let my family down, I have no one to appreciate me.

Tell me, how much do I worth? *tears flowing*

Results Out on 6th

2011-07-02T19:17:00.002+08:00

Okay. Here goes. Today is 2nd. Four more days to the BIG day, which is the publication of the results. Somehow I do not have a good feeling for this semester, despite me struggling (not to say 100% but it's definitely a struggle). I really struggled, yet scored terribly for my mid-semester tests. Hence, I struggled for my finals, yet I do not have that much confidence. LOL. I don't know whether my hard work pays off or not. Oh, the sleepless nights for the assignments and the hell-like one week study week when I actually got ill throughout the entire week. Imagine studying off while coughing and sneezing and feeling drowsy all at the same time. Nevertheless, I gave my all for this time's exams. Please let me get not just good, but excellent results. I deserve it.

Meh. If this semester I still get average results, I think I'll definitely bang my head against the wall. This is because I'd have to struggle EVEN MORE for my second year, and mind you, second year is tougher than first year. SIAOMEH??? WANT ME TO DIE IS IT???

Okay quit ranting.

HOH-LEE-DEH

2011-06-28T16:34:00.003+08:00

Holidays in Kuching is kind of laid-back for me. Yeah sure, the first week is a busy week for me. Outings after outings. But from the second week onwards, life's pretty much boring. It's more like sleeping week for me during daytime. Nighttime was not that bad though, with me shopping with my mother. Ah, the quality time spent with family. She's lonely. All she needs was a company. When I left, she has no one to talk to anymore (well, for the next 3.5 months).

So far, I have been downloading movies and streaming dramas, playing Plants vs Zombies (meh this game will never end, will it?), watching TV and shopping with family, especially my mother. Apparently I become a home girl for a month. People around me were surprised to see me being such a home girl. Yeah, whatever.

Chem-E Car competition in three month's time and I have not done any research. Great. Why on earth did I ended up joining anyway? Lol. Never mind, what matters is to win. RM500 is not a small amount, mind you.

What else did I leave out? Oh yea. TRANSFORMERS 3 PREMIERE TONIGHT BUT SADLY I CAN ONLY WATCH THIS THURSDAY!! I'm so going to watch 3D, yes I am.

Yup. Before I fly back to Miri I'll definitely watch HP 7 2!!!!! Hopefully there is 3D for that (LOL). My dad booked my flight on the 17th, which is a day before my school resumes. Yeah. Awesome. I wanted to fly back earlier to prepare for my classes but oh well, guess my family wanted me to spend more family time with them. That is why I am always at home.

Okay. Cut the rants. I'm off now.

UPDATES!!

2011-06-14T14:08:00.003+08:00

Hello!! I'm back in Kuching!! Well, I was back since two days ago but never mind. There is no better place called home. Yes, although some people are going for a holiday, but I prefer spending one entire month at home. After all, I'll be leaving home again and devouring books in a month's time. Probably I'll leave a few days earlier so that I can fully prepare for upcoming sem. Meh. Second year is a tough year from what I have heard from my seniors. Hence, I shall not slack but strive for excellence. Wish me all the best!!!

Kuching has been treating me well so far. I have been meeting up with friends and spending quality time with my family, especially my mother. It's like almost every night that I'll go out shopping with her. Meh. Mothers will always want daughters as company for shopping ;)

When I mention Kuching, there is definitely one word which I will not leave out - FOOD. Kuching food has been treating me well so far. Wow, the healthy ajinomoto-free cooking with courtesy of a woman whom I refer to as my mother!! Besides, I like her healthy, simple and not-oily cooking which makes me want more =D Of course, other than mommy's cooking I'll also go out and satisfy the lingering cravings which have been stuck on me when I was in Miri. Taiwanese food from Taipei 101, malak mien, authentic Kuching kolo mee at Tabuan Jaya and Sekama, LAKSA (realize that I bold it because I miss it too much ohmaigad) especially from Chong Choon Cafe, proper Western food, Tom's cheesecakes, Delizze's fruit tart, Sunny Hill's ice-cream, Premier 101 which have MANY MANY Mainland stalls (hey, their food tastes quite okay actually...don't look down on China!!), Kim Bay or Causeway Bay (if your cravings for Hong Kong food is killing you), fishball beehoon soup at Carpenter Street, belacan beehoon and ice kacang near Jubilee Ground, and LOTS LOTS MORE!!! Meh. I doubt I can finish eating them (hell, it's only ONE FREAKING MONTH and it's impossible for me to sample all of them unless I take the profession as a food critic).

Mmhmm...home is so relaxing. I miss my cute cute cousins Abigail and Matthew. They're so so so CUTE!!! Matthew can finally speak and when he spoke, he sounded SOOOOO CUUTTEEEE!!!!!!!

Okay. Movie time tonight. Damai overnight this Thursday. Outing this Saturday. Meh. That is why I will only go for holidays during my summer break.

Know What?

2011-06-11T01:54:00.002+08:00

I know:

1) Next semester is one hell semester for me. I have to start everything from scratch. I don't just learn theory; I learn application thing. Truly major into my own major. Hence, less sleep; more geeking.

2) Say no to stupid shit shit. No thinking about stupid shit shit. Just study. 2nd year very tough. Confirm no time think about stupid shit shit.

3) I think I even have to start during my 1 month holidays already. *kiasu mode ON*

4) My programming marks confirm terrible. Need to pull up using my 2nd year results. Weightage higher than 1st year. Hence, the motivation.

5) I WILL NOT FAIL PROGRAMMING. I REPEAT, I WILL NOT FAIL PROGRAMMING.

6) I miss Kuching. I miss home. I miss family and friends.

7) Rainforest World Music Festival 2011 8th to 10th July. I CONFIRM MUST GO THIS YEAR ONE!!! 21 years old if haven't go yet it'll be a HUGE regret to me.

8) I miss laksa :'(

9) DELETE shit. It won't work out. Confirm. Hence, just DELETE. And no, I ain't talking about the past.

10) RWMF 2011!!!!!!! Okay, how many times do I have to repeat that?

11) Alex's really awesome when it comes to playing piano :O

12) A cow called Conie Choo needs to study for her deferred papers. Sad.

13) I don't want to go to Bentley. I want to graduate in Miri and study Masters in UK. YES.

Okay, I shall stop at 13 XD

"TMD"-inspired Post

2011-05-07T22:37:00.002+08:00

Was inspired by this bitch to post this post meh. This is going to be the most vulgar post I have ever posted. Here goes:

TMD!!! You think you so prettymeh? Face like pork chop damn ugly weh!!!! You know you look like what? Si cheebye bin want to say yourself pretty bully your classmate pleaselah, look yourself in the mirror first. Lao niang way prettier than you okay? But lao niang do not bully people, so lao niang EVEN more prettier than you lan jiao bin!!! Face black black want to call people pork chop. EWW PLEASELAH!!! Face like kacheng kang want to smack people with book FUCK YOU!!!!! You smack people with book someday people will fuck you with a book then you know then lao niang will laugh and laugh with my pretty face HAHAHA!!! Damn sohai weh see you lan jiao bin cry XD cut people's hair you think you are some sort of lan jiao hairdressermeh? Cut your smelly cheebye hair firstlah before cutting people's hair!!! Wait, probably you cut it already so that you bitch can have people's lan jiao stuck in your smelly cheebye lo. TMD lao niang kua beh ki youlo form 1 nia attitude ka na fucker aneh. Say people fat you yourself skinny like monkey no man wants youlah. Please. Do you know the definition of "mei"? Lao niang. Lao niang have curves; you skinny black lan jiao monkey don't have. You only have lan jiao face to attract lan jiao into your cheebye. Your face only suitable to become whore on streetslah. No need to go jail. Go Thailand show your lan jiao-attracting face enough. Spend your life sucking dicks and have your smelly hairless cheebye being eaten. Lao niang know you love it. That's what you want, right? Bully her then become famous then want men to notice you. So kolian...need to resort to such act to become famous.

She is NOT ugly, for goodness' sake. No one is ugly unless they did something ugly. And you just did. Hence, you ARE ugly muahahahaha!!!!!!! I am not going to comment on the video as it is so saddening. She was bullied and no one was there to help her. FUCK YOU ALL!!! And they even applauded after the horrible ordeal they gave the poor victim. Like seriously man, GET A LIFE!!! I am so freaking pissed weh. Seriously.

p/s: Forgive me for such vulgar post. I just need to scold those people. Pity the bully.

Meh

2011-04-29T00:37:00.003+08:00

Ideal girl:
Big eyes
Long hair
Slim physique
Nice legs
Juicy lips
Long, slender fingers
Light

Me:
Small eyes
Short hair
Plump physique
Not-nice legs
Thin lips
Fat, stubby fingers
Heavy

Why am I posting this again? I know why.

Disaster

2011-04-14T17:58:00.002+08:00

Can't believe I spent a few sleepless nights studying DC circuits and when I finally grasped the concepts, shit happens. Whadafuck man!!! At the last 15 minutes I realized I made a HUGE mistake and hence redo everything within 15 minutes. So drama I know. Then of course I finished my papers. However, when I compared answers with my coursemates, jauh bezanya!!! Which means I wronglah.

Can't believe my hard work does not pay off. Why on earth would I make such a huge mistake for the first 75 minutes?????

Programming Mid-term

2011-04-12T20:52:00.003+08:00

One mid-term down. One more to go.

One word. TOUGH. Seriously. It's as if I need a compiler and a programmer in front of me because they ask for OUTPUT and as if my brain is made of the monitor which prints out the output. Kns. And it's C programming. (heard it's the easiest compared to others???)

The bright side: If the mid-term is tough then finals should be tougher. Hence, I should very well prepare hard hard. Sacrifice more sleep. Less leisure, less rest. GAH!!! Kenapa??? It's only my first year man!!!

Okay. End of rant. ES this Thursday. And this one the toughest unit among all (in my opinion and most of my coursemates).

Wish me all the best in everything =)

Post for a Friend =)

2011-04-09T23:13:00.002+08:00

When you feel sad, cheer up, and smile, for there will always be a friend who will see you smile and smile when you smile.

When you are hurting deep inside, simply cry, for there will always be a friend who will always lend you a helping hand and heal your wounds. It is because it hurts that friend of yours to see you hurting.

When you are working hard, there will always be a friend who will pray for your success and hoping that you will succeed.

You deserve it all, because I'm that friend of yours =)

Lazy

2011-04-05T18:22:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I last felt this literally. I have always been staying up late doing and perfecting assignments like si kiasu gina (means lose-fearing kid), completing questions attempted or revising for my mid-terms. Of course, I attend classes from morning until evening, which explains why I have to stay up late at night. Because that's the only time I can do them. Thanks to that, my roomie and I would then walk to the burger stall almost every night to grab a burger or if I'm getting economical I started grabbing mini roti john as well.

Thank goodness today I have no classes at all =D rejoice! Of course I started my day sleeping until noon. No class + raining = PERFECT GETAWAY XD heheh. After that I went online and read through ES notes. However, the laziness started to get into me, as if trying to tell me I need a break, hence I laid down the bed and took a nap. I guess I'm alternating between online and sleeping. Lol. Now that's what I call lazing off.

I guess I have to put an end to this laziness though. Happy happy, but I have to go back to reality. Do some light research, then study for my mid-terms. Hah!

I cannot wait for tuition week free which is the end of this month. No, not really. More to, I cannot wait for finals to end!!! Now that's more like it =D

p/s: I recommend having a roommate. Keeps me company and distracts me from feeling emo =D

Updated: Don't ever think of starting to be lazy. Once you start being lazy, it's hard to stop it. Once you're lazy, you're behind the pace you're supposed to be. Even if you're currently a step above, never stop and start being lazy. You'll end up like the rabbit who lost the race. LOL.

A Little Space For Escapade

2011-03-30T10:02:00.002+08:00

I know, I have always complained how busy I am yet it is ironic for me to blog here. It's just one short post. A space for me to spill out everything, so that I feel lighter. (Note: FEEL lighter, yet the amount of workload stays the same. Basically it's just a self-satisfaction thing)

EFDP: Foundation report due this week, and I'm not 100% sure whether I have been doing the right thing all this while. I seem lost. Soon there needs to be some legal document thing and cost-account-finance thing, hence I need to seek help from accounting friends. Meh. Why are accountants so important???
ES: Lab report due next week. Mid-terms in two weeks' time. People already move on to AC circuits and I'm still stuck at DC circuits. Such pace I have is the thing that worries me. A LOT.
EP: Mid-terms in two weeks' time as well. I heard it's on the same day as ES mid-terms. Kanasai. Need to study two things at once. Bye bye, sleep.
EC: Just as I thought it'll be the easiest unit among all, whadaheck there is this assignment report thing which is due before tuition free week (as if I am not busy enough). It's damn irritating to do research and what's worse, the things you thought you found turn out to be something not quite right.
EM: Annoying online quizzes, as usual. Like that lah.
M'sian studies: A day-trip changed to presentation. NOO!!! I hate practicing for presentations. I'm lazy!!!
Moral: No news so far. But soon we'll need to hold projects. I know. So relax for nowlah.

What else ah?

Oh yeah. CYA slides.
Oh yeah. Helping out for Build and Break thing this Sat. Completely voluntary though. But I choose to go =)
Oh yeah. What else? Is that it?

Doesn't seem a lot huh? Well, truth to be told, if I were to do for the sake of completing it, I can do it in matter of hours instead of days. But my marks will be the matter-of-hours-worth-marks and I will not let that happen to me. If I just complete my assignments without excellence, that will just contradict my purpose of studying in a university with scholarship. I'll just waste the taxpayers' money. Tidak boleh begitu.

Some asked me, "Need to struggle so much meh?"
My answer, "Yes, because I need to do well this time to redeem myself."

Adios =)

Blogging Despite The Busyness

2011-03-17T18:21:00.003+08:00

I know I am not supposed to blog. I still have assignments to do. Meh. I have team work mindmapping thing for my assigned project and I am responsible for it simply because I am the "team leader" sigh. The stupid test I took somehow made me a leader which I did not even want to be at the first place. Double the responsibility yet I score the same marks as the rest. Wth. Never mind. With God's grace hopefully I can lead my team to participating in EWB and hopefully win the challenge. With His grace and blessing, anything is possible =) and not to forget the individual assignment which is also RESEARCH. Shit. Do research based on my assigned project then write a short report, which I am supposed to paraphrase and NOT cite. Okay, it's as if I am attending an English class. Then I still have the time-wasting EFDP quizzes =.="" and ES pre-lab assignment which is also due next week. So many things yet so little time. And do not forget I come to university to study, not just do assignments. The fact that I am struggling with my ES truly freak me out. It is as if I get the concept, but it is also as if I do not get the concept. Feel kinda bipolar here.

My ES lecturer is a cool (cool, not cold) middle-aged man who has this Aussie accent. The way he teaches ES kind of make it seems easy to understand. I like to hear him speak because whatever he speaks just catch my attention. However, when it comes to attempting questions, that's when the tough part comes. He quoted that life is too comfortable, and that is why we need to suffer so that we can gain something from it. Whokay. That means I have to bury myself with assignments (confirm there are more coming up soon) and at the same time struggling to study. I am not smart.

Okay. Nothing else to say at the moment. My roomie's beside me listening to music. This has no absolute relevance but I just feel like posting that. It just shows how random I can be.

Whooo~ T-ara's TTL!!! (she's playing that now FYI)

Tired

2011-03-12T18:22:00.002+08:00

There are times when I get tired of giving and loving.

I sometimes wish I can stop and have someone else doing it to me instead. Then all I can do is to sit back and to be pampered.

Nevertheless, I am born to love and to give, not to be loved and to be treated. Ain't that lucky, I guess.

Nuff ranting.

Signs???

2011-03-11T23:59:00.002+08:00

Whoa. This is my first post made in Miri for this year. I have been busy for the past few weeks and I am glad to be able to take a break tonight (hey it's Friday) before burying myself into assignments this weekend. Let me list out (a way of complaining how tiring and busy I am):

1) ES tutorial (due Mon) - TOUGH. Nodal, mesh network, superposition, they're all NEW and HARD to me. Worst, my lecturer is no longer my tutor and is replaced with a new tutor who cannot really explain when I ask him questions.
2) EC tutorial (due Mon) easy job =p no worries about this one =p
3) Sketching house - This assignment made me realize how smart I am to NOT opting for architecture at all hahaha!!! I mean, I seriously suck in designing a house, what more to say a house with three bedrooms, a lounge, a kitchen, bathrooms and a TV room (wah so luxurious). Worst, I spent TWO freaking hours trying to sketch a nice 30 degree block hill (still new in Google Sketchup ma...tedious and annoying...one slight mistake and I have to redo everything...) and I'm lost on how to sketch a house standing on the hill because obviously if I used push-pull crap the house will be slanted =.= and the shit is the house is right in front of a stream. If heavy rain occurs which causes landslide and flood, there is no way of escaping and we all confirm die.
4) EM tutorial (due Tue) - Maths. Not too difficult but not too easy thanks to my can-never-be-cured carelessness.
5) ES lab report and log book (due during next lab) - KANASAI. That's the only word to describe it.
6) EFDP group project - this one no due date but just want to complain how busy I will be. Let me complain now before I don't have time to complain onto this blog =p

Of course, there are upcoming assignmentslah...but just complain these current one first.

Okay, I get a little far-fetched =p anyway, I am really scared of what's coming soon. You see, there are so many disasters striking every corner of the world in such short span of time. In January, we had flood in Brisbane and Miri. Just recently, we had earthquake in NZ. Then yesterday, we had tsunami in Japan. What next?

Then suddenly, something occured into my mind. Were these all signs indicating that the world is coming to an end? If not, how come disasters happened one after another? There were many lives taken thanks to the disasters. God bless those souls and may they rest in peace. I really hope that we all are given another chance. At least me. I do not want to die so early. There are many things I have yet to do. I have not redeem myself yet. I have not prove myself to be able to reach my peak. I have not acquired success enough for me to obtain fortune, which leads to providing for my family. I have not travel every corner of the world. I have not find the real meaning of happiness yet. Lol.

Enough ranting. Bye.

Pursuit of Happiness XD

2011-02-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

Chris Gardner's version of Pursuit of Happyness is very very tough. I mean, wow. For the sake of changing his state of life and for his son, they had to race to get a room every day while struggling throughout his unpaid one-year internship period. He went through all these because he suffered. They spent a night in a toilet at a train station. They were homeless. Yet, he never revealed his state to anyone. He kept all those suffering to himself and continue pursuing the path to happiness and of course, it paid off when he finally obtained the job =D then he struggled so much throughout the years just to raise his son.

I realized it's enough to live a life as a princess. My peers are privileged enough to live their lives without any worries and they can get whatever they want from their parents. But not me. I am different from them. Long story short, I need to work twice as hard as my peers because I have no support and thus CONSISTENCY IN REVISION is necessary. To pursue my own happiness, I need to put aside "fun". I mean, there is no "easy way" to success. How hard can it get to be hardworking and start studying? How hard can it get to browse the Internet less and concentrate more on perfecting the assignments as well as doing revision, revision and revision? Let's geekify myself for these few years and then happiness will be nearer to me.

Of course, I will play. I won't make myself a total nerd. No. Eww. There is a need of a balance, just like Yin and Yang XD

End of my rant. For now.

Going Back to Miri

2011-02-23T21:04:00.002+08:00

I have three more nights before I'm flying off to my second home (which I hate to admit it's in Miri).

Say hello to:
endless assignments (meh. they had assignments prepared beforehand yet no guidelines until 1st week).
tutorials and labs beginning on the first week of class. that means my schedule will be extremely packed from the very first week of class. NOOO.
my new roomie, Miss Conie Choo XD
my coursemates, housemates and campusmates.
taking a bus ride to town in a most inconvenient way rather than driving around town like what I am doing in Kuching.
RM30 gym sessions.
cooking my own meal and washing my own clothes using BARE HANDS (I like it though).
campus food (somehow I don't miss it).
terrible internet connection in villa with my broadband (it's good if it's inside campus though).

Say goodbye to:
my family.
my own bed.
fast Streamyx connection.
delicious food which are too many for me to name. Okaylah name a few. Authentic Kuching laksa, authentic Kuching kolo mee, beef noodles, malak mien, Tom's cheesecake.
easy transport around the city XD
my friends who are "stranded" in Kuching.
my beloved teddy bear!!!
TV shows.
cinemas!!! This one definitely >.< Miri has only ONE cinema and it is dirty and terrible. Eww.
k-box (Miri has no karaoke centre too kns).

I think that's it. Who knows I'll discover some interesting events while I'm there XD

I Am

2011-02-23T00:04:00.002+08:00

...hoping I can fly back to Miri as soon as possible to start working and meeting up with my campusmates. Housemates, coursemates, or simply campusmates. Let's study and party =D yay! I feel so young now =D

I am Not Strong

2011-02-22T23:57:00.003+08:00

I hate myself for not being strong. Why is it every time when you said something that cut my heart the pain stays there?

I hate myself for not being strong. Why is it I have to fear you living on well without me and will not mind not having me playing an important part of your life? It makes me feel how unimportant I am to you.

I hate myself for not being strong. Why can't I be like you, move on with my life at ease and with poise?

I hate myself for not being strong. Why can't I let it go with ease?

I hate myself for not being strong. Why do I always have to care about how are you doing when it's not my concern anymore, logically?

Though I am independent, I still feel the pain. I am not strong to endure the pain and heal from the wounds.

I need strength.

All The Best For Tomorrow

2011-02-20T20:55:00.003+08:00

For starters, this is for my beloved Eugenia Foo XD wish you all the best of luck for your ACCA!!! I know how tough your ACCA is and that is why you'll definitely need the luck. Remember if you passed every paper you'll "share" your happiness and joy with us *hint* *hint* though I am positively sure you can pull them through. I have faith in you, girl! =) we'll celebrate at Delizze yea XD and of course not forgetting my acquaintances who are taking ACCA too. Amelia, Damien, and whoever I miss out.

Nextly, for my CAT friends Ah Leng, Kelvin and Stephen (wow I have a few CAT friends all in the same batch, in terms of taking the same papers). Wish you people all the best and pass with flying colours =D aiya CAT can pass onelah...and in case there are any potential M'sian Prize Winner or World Prize Winner (you know who you are), all the best!!! Hopefully I can congratulate someone who won a prize. (P.S.: Kelvin you owe me RM3=p )

After that, Jing Fen's turn. All the best for your STPM =D can get excellent good good results one XD and of course, all the best to those who took STPM last year. I very well knew how tough STPM was. If possible, try to score a 4 flat, since last year there was almost none (got but I think only one? And he/she's not a Science student). Science student, don't let us down score a 4 flat XD

21st February's a good date for the release of results, I hope.

Third Post of the Day

2011-02-19T16:42:00.002+08:00

Hip hip hooray!!! My third post of the day!!! Guess this shows how lifeless I currently am. Browsing chocolate websites and craving for them at the same time. Meh. Give me a box of chocolates and my eyes will immediately light up. Moist-rich chocolate cakes are sinfully yet delicious which I am most willing to sink my teeth in. Having it once in a while won't make me fat, what's more to say dark chocolates. Between white, milk and dark, I prefer dark. The most pure chocolate among all, simply because I get to taste the bitter cocoa. It's the bitterness of a chocolate that makes you taste the slightest sweetness beneath it. That'll definitely make it taste sweeter than any sugary and sweet white or milk chocolates. Eww. But I will take those chocolates once in a while when I feel like it. I mean, saying no to chocolates is a total denial to me. I will not say NO to chocolates XD

Nothing left to post. What shall I post? Oh yes. The top five things I favour in life (bear in mind it's the THINGS I favour, and this does not include something priceless like life itself, God and memories).

1. FOOD (cool it tops the list! I won't say NO to food unless I'm ill)
2. Music (music speaks my mood and emotions. sometimes, it's a good stress-relieving device)
3. Clothes (my grooming largely depends on clothes I wear. Between make-ups and clothes I choose clothes. Different clothes speak out my style. I can wear any clothes I want as long as I feel good with it. Make-up is different story. You have to be careful and those chemicals will affect your skin in long term, but clothes won't)
4. Movies and tv shows (I can spend hours watching movie without being interrupted while munching on snacks)
5. Articles (I love reading...on anything interesting. Depends on my mood too)

Lol. These are the top 5 listed things I am interested simply because I am extremely bored and have nothing to do.

I seriously need a life wtf.

Dilemma Solved

2011-02-19T15:11:00.002+08:00

I will stay in Curtin. Will try to shorten my study years by one sem. One sem makes lots of difference meh. Obtain first class honours and further my studies until I obtain Masters. If possible UK uni because of it's one-year MPhil degree =D and pray that I can get a better-off scholarship.

I am so motivated. Please let this motivation make me disciplined to struggle and hence score well until I can pave the way I want. Don't think of Monash. Need to take IELTS which costs alost RM600, which is a no-no. Accommodation-wise, obviously Miri is cheaper than KL. For west Malaysians they find it okay but not me East Malaysian. Lol.

Struggle! Struggle! Struggle! Life is not all about romance. There are many things waiting for me to do!!!

I sound like a 17-year-old kid when I'm turning 21 soon. Kns.

Scholarship Blues (Too Free)

2011-02-19T14:33:00.002+08:00

Yet another post of the month. I am so free to post things. Lol. Just recently I posted about furthering my studies and obtaining a Masters' Degree which struck my head all of a sudden. I have been thinking a lot about my future lately meh.

Firstly, I am aware of the bond that comes with my degree scholarship. Six years is not short. I have heard of those people who were not offered a job in 12 months or so and is released. Well, for my case, it is six months ;) I do not want to serve the government just because of something I shall not mention =) Hence, I have always hoped to get a highly-paid job which will settle off my bond and therefore set me free.

Then, at second thought, the money I am currently using is the local taxpayers' money. They paid the government yearly and the government used it to sponsor good students to further their studies in hope for having sufficient and competent human capitals which help in developing their country. I have thoughts of ignoring this ~~corrupted country~~ Malaysia just because of issues which I did not wish to mention. However, I have to always remember that the money I am currently using is the money paid by local taxpayers. It's their hard-earned cash contributed to the government that enable me to study in an Australian university today. I cannot be selfish, can I? I would like to repay the taxpayers somehow, but not the government.

Hopefully I can graduate until Masters and then probably work for a few years internationally before settling down in my own country and work for them. Never mind working for private sector as long as I help in developing the country and make full use of the knowledge paid by the taxpayers. Who knows, I may succeed in improving citizens' quality life through a multinational company. This is what I want =)

Till then, I shall struggle.

The dilemma still carries on though. Stay in Curtin or credit transfer to Monash? Lol.

Something

2011-02-18T22:44:00.003+08:00

I have been staring at the blank post for about...fifteen minutes? I have something to post but I just don't know how to start. Okay...

For starters, I have friends who has been complaining on how tough their course is and how stressful their course. True. Most of her conversations were made up of these. If you listen to it for the first time, sympathy and fear were developed. If you listen to it for the second time, those feelings were still there, but slightly decreased. If you listen to it for the third time, you will be starting to fed up. If you listen to it for the fourth time, you will be asking yourself a question, which is, "What the heck? Why take this course if it is sooo tough? Stop complaining, for goodness' sake".

I have my reasons to feel beh song, or irritated here. It's not that I am petty and easily annoyed bitch or what. There are reasons why I feel so.

1. Their course is the toughest; others are merely easy
The way they stressed how tough their course is until they belittled other courses just made us feel like WTH. I do not know how to describe it but let's make it this way. They made it sound as if we were enjoying honeymoon year whilst they were struggling away in university. I mean, we too struggled during our university years too. I did not study much, but I spent sleepless nights doing assignments and projects. Does that count? If I were to truly study for the sake of studying, heck, there is not much social life for me. If I want social life, I have to sacrifice sleep for the sake of studying. And they kept on saying their courses are tougher than whatsoever courses. Engineering is nothing when compared to medicine or vet or what. What??? I kept quiet when they said that but I mean, it is NOT easy. Firstly, I am not intelligent and secondly, I am busy with loads of assignments and projects and still need to revise meh. They mentioned about their fast-paced syllabus and even compared with other countries' syllabus or other sister courses. Why bother comparing? If you're too free you won't even bother comparing. You'll only be busy struggling to study and study. That is the life of a typically rowdy medical/dental/vet student. Medicine is not only the tough course available. Let's list out how tough other courses can be. Law is tough. Tons and tons of laws and rules to memorize. ACCA is tough. The painstakingly low annual passing rate explains it. Music is tough. You need talent or else don't bother thinking about it. Engineering is tough. Maths and physics not just studied but also applied and one slight miscalculation involves thousands of lives. Linguistic is tough. You need to be someone flexible to be multilingual and not someone square. You also need to be quick to catch up in learning languages, otherwise you'll be a total blank because learning languages is not simply reading. Design is tough. Constant inspiration and creativity is needed or else you'll produce nothing but blank on canvas, paper or anything. When you produce nothing but blank, you will start worrying bout the end of your career. Need me say more? Seriously, what is the point of comparing? To show that you are greater than others because you can handle tough courses whilst others cannot? Get a life.

2. Whatever path you choose, bear the consequences.
Complain once or twice it's okay. People deserve to complain to let go. But since you have chosen this path, you should very well know what is coming. You are not a 5-year-old kid who doesn't know how to think. Have you ever heard of the saying, "Sweetness comes out from sweat" or Malay version,"Susah dahulu senang kemudian" or Chinese version, "Xian Ku Hou Tian" which literally means bitterness first sweetness comes later. Complaining does not get you to anywhere. Well, unless you are forced to then you have the right to complain. But I guess in life, everyone makes choices and there is no such thing as no choice. Hence, stop complaining and start working your ass off and graduate with first honours. When you succeed one day, you'll triumph and look back at the days when you struggled so hard. You'll not only triumph, but you'll also feel beyond satisfaction that your hard work actually paid off.

I guess that is it from me. Long one, I know.

By the way, I found something interesting here. FWB (Friendship with Benefit) is a type of relationship between a man and woman which is more than friendship but less than lovers. More than friends? They have sex. Less than lovers? No commitment between each other and both are free to date anyone. What's with human beings nowadays?

When I'm Too Free This Is What I Think

2011-02-17T12:38:00.003+08:00

Hello. I am a first year engineering student in Curtin. I have one more sem left to complete my first year before proceeding into my major which commences in July. Lol. My current sem begins in eleven days' time, and I have nothing much to do other than thinking and thinking for a better future. Well, as much as I think, everything will only remain as a dream if I do not work hard for it though. Lol.

For now, the main thing to do is to of course, score well with FLAT FLAT HD with 4.00 CGPA. Lol. Five units to HD; one or two kns MOHE units to pass. Lol. Depends on how I feel whether I should take one or two MOHE units.

I need to try my very very very best to reduce my study years by one semester. That means overload my credit points. Meh. I need to. I rather squeeze everything and graduate faster than waste time like now. I mean, the summer break is way too long that I wish I can study. I'll seriously go rusty if I do not start studying sooner. Meh. But if I were to overload I need to do extremely well this semester for the sake of approval from my HOD. Lol. It all comes back to square one: study hard and smart.

First dilemma: Curtin or Monash? I feel like transferring my credit points to Monash next sem just because it's in KL (hence, I can earn RM700 extra from JPA) and that means I'm in a more happening city. In addition, Monash has higher standard and reputation in engineering field when compared to Curtin. Lol. Why do I have this sudden consideration in my head?

It all comes from this: Taking a one-year Masters in UK. I checked the prerequisites and they mentioned obtaining second upper class honours (preferably FIRST though) from a reputable university and I am doubting Curtin. Why? My peers have heard of Monash but not Curtin. They all know Curtin thanks to yours truly who is currently studying there =) Meh. Quality alone does not help; reputation too is needed. Wth.

I have another alternative though. I can continue studying at Curtin (hopefully I get to overload) until I graduate and taking a two-year Masters at Uni Melbourne. There is a difference between one year and two years, as you can see. That is why the dilemma.

Curtin -> Melbourne U or Monash -> UK uni.

Sponsorship? Nah, no worries. I have JPA to sponsor me which in return my bond length will be longer. But I'll try my best though to not be tied by the bond.

Back to the dilemma. Should I play safe and continue Curtin or transfer to Monash for the sake of "reputable" degree just to be admitted into UK university? However, if Curtin is considered "reputable" then it saves my effort XD

I confirm will be taking Masters. Heck, I'll only be at most 26 when I graduate. Still so young.

I am too free.

My Valentine 2011

2011-02-14T16:40:00.002+08:00

This Valentine's post is rather different from the previous Valentine posts I have written. It's not emo, but more to positivity and hopeful. And of course, the main thing, L.O.V.E, is in this post =)

At 12am I received a text message from Nabila, who mentioned about Single Awareness Day for her singleton girlfriends. Lol. I am one of them, of course. It was pretty cute and unique and at the same time, true. Valentine's Day is meant for couples, not singletons like me. It therefore made me aware that I am single and is unable to celebrate the day itself. Instead, I can only spread the love to other couples and wish everyone Happy Valentine's Day.

After spending the entire day at the gym, I opened my fb and realized most of them posted Happy Single Awareness Day (all thanks to Nabila). Lol. Valentine's wishes are all around. Singletons dwelling over their single fate while couples looking forward for tonight's plans. Then I realized this year is different from other years. I have been wishing couples a happy Valentine's Day and even sold them gifts. This year though, I realized I can still love despite being single. After all, it is just a status. I am still me. Family love remains as family love; there is no change. The friends I love are still the friends I love. My feelings for them are still the same. And my best friend whom I love dearly is still my best friend whom I love dearly. Me being single doesn't mean I cannot love. I can still love. There are many people for me to love. It doesn't matter whether I am single and not celebrating Valentine's Day.

This is how I celebrate Valentine's Day. Give them love and hopefully they can feel it. I love you and hopefully you can feel it. Of course, I hope you feel the same for me, but it doesn't matter if you don't. As long as you're happy I'll be happy.

Curtin's Valentine Gift

2011-02-12T13:36:00.003+08:00

I am unhappy. Curtin gave us students a heartbreaking Valentine gift this year. Guess what? We have to pay for every single recreational activity we do hourly. Kns habis!!! Bout the gym I have no complaints since it has been the same since last sem. However, as for the facility fee, they charged us hourly fees as if we're so rich. For Curtin students, if you happen to read this, alas, these are the rates:

Badminton court - RM3/hour (gym member); RM5/hour (non-gym member)
Basketball court - RM8/hour (gym member); RM10/hour (non-gym member)
Tennis court - RM6/hour (gym member); RM8/hour (non-gym member)
Multi-purpose hall - RM8/hour (gym member); RM10/hour (non-gym member)

WHOAHSEH!!! If clubs were to hold a function at mph for say, five hours, that means they need to standby RM50??? Hello, RM50 is not a small amount of cash okay??? All these take effect from 14th February, kns. We are not rich. Fine, probably those who were sponsored by their parents are rich. For someone poor yet fortunate to be sponsored to study, do they think I can actually afford to pay all these? Hello, I am not rich meh. I am poverty-stricken. My peers and people around me and majority of my customers at Toast Bar used smartphones and I do not have one. Smartphones are something common to them, yet it seems like something luxurious to me. This shows how poor I am. And now Curtin, being so money-faced wanted to charge us for the facilities that has been free all these years. And I thought of bring shuttlecock over so that I can have regular games with my campusmates. I am pissed. Speaking of pissed I am extremely pissed with Toas Bar people for not paying me until now. I have been waiting for my pathetic RM400++ and it never came. From 6th until now, they still haven't pay me yet. Meh. Eee I am sooo geram-ed now!!!

Curtin has become so money-faced. Hopefully they used the money to improve lab facilities instead of putting them into their own pockets. If they really do so, I'll &^%$6&8$#@^%$#@& them. Lol. Wait, if they now charge us for something that has been free, think of that they may be charging us next. TRANSPORTATION :O Oh no! Imagine they charge us for every ride we take. If they're money-faced enough, imagine us paying bus fares worth RM50 per month or RM3 for the ride to town or RM2 for to-and-fro daily ride. Kns!!! Eee if that happens I am so going to burst into madness and pancung the admin's head with my guardians chainsaw and "parangs". Hopefully this will not happen. *choi* *choi* *choi* Even if it is to happen, wait until I graduate firstlah...

Money makes the world go round~ the same for Valentine's. Everything is money. Roses, chocolates, cards, special meal package, to most people Valentine's Day means business. All I want is ~~a bear hug and warmth in my heart~~ happiness and joy on that day. Yes, come to think of it I never celebrated Valentine's Day for 21 years. Lol. I never really cared until Amy pointed it out and said we're pathetic and sad. Why say the word "we"? I'm not. Okay, now she made me seem like the sad and pathetic and lonely person who never tasted the sweetness and warmth of Valentine's Day. I AM NOT SAD. I mean, we won't die even if we do not celebrate even when we're 21 right? If they truly love each other, everyday will be Valentine's Day. And love does not mean money. GEDDAT IN YOUR MIND CURTIN!!! Don't keep on finding ways to extort cash from us students, especially some poor girl like me.

I'm done barking. Will write a nicer Valentine post when I have the mood. Till then, I'm off to bed.

Come and Go

2011-02-10T13:59:00.002+08:00

In life, a person is like a station. Every day, there are different kinds of people stopping by in your life and leave when the time is up. People will come to you, leave some impact in your lives (depending on how deep the impact is) and leave when the time comes, be it death, separation or loss. Separation can be due to migration or change of place or something like that. Loss can be due to break-ups or broken friendships or even family tie after some severe quarrels. The ones who will come back after leaving are the ones meant to stop in your station for the rest of their lives.

I, for one, do not want to be a station. I want to be a train. I want to take a looooooong journey and meet different people; land at different stations; experience everything different. Perhaps if one day I am tired I will stop at one station and rest there until I grow old and die. I do not want to be left and abandoned, that's for sure. I choose not to be the station and rather be the train.

Blehhh. I'm bored. Hence, I rant. But it makes sense. Human beings are a combination of station and train. Lol. I don't even know what am I writing. Kns.

First Move

2011-02-09T14:48:00.004+08:00

Had this inspiration while slurping my grass jelly milk tea purchased from Eastmoore's bubble tea shop.

Yesterday, Amy, Genia and I had our final visiting at Alex's house. Long story short: He cooks unique spaghetti (unique as in Asian-ish style...I mean, who puts GINGER into pasta sauce??? Not bad though ^^) and he owns a CUUUTE pup namely Kobe. Lol.

On the way home, we hung out at Sunny Hill for banana split. Yeah, I'm lazy to upload pictures because the outing is not the main point of this post. It's what Genia said that motivated me. Lol.

Usually the one who makes the first move is the winner. The one courting the other person will end up having the one courted fallen deeper compared to the one who courts. (Foo, 2011)

Thus, I realize something. I have to make the FIRST MOVE. If there is anyone who is willing to take the initiative, that person's gonna be ME. Why? I want to end up having it falling head over heels for me and thus I am the WINNER HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! It will not let me go and forever yearning for my love. Meh. Smart planleh? So clever =p

Okay HD, listen to this. I officially declare to take the first move and court you until I graduate. You may not accept me, but I will try my best until you have to accept me every semester just because you are moved and touched by my diligence, effort and hard work that I have put just to make you accept me every semester. I will spend more time on my effort to win you and I know I will. During the graduation I will propose to you and you will accept me as the FIRST in your heart, mind and soul. The final outcome shall be our eternally happy ending together after the proposal and like what Genia said, you will fall head over heels for me until I will forever be FIRST to you as long as I live =)

P.S.: HD here has bilingual meaning =p

Walao. So damn motivating.

Okaylah. I'll upload a few photos to spice things up. Here goes:

Kobe, you're cute. Too bad you're NAUGHTY. Check out the pee he left at the upper left side of the photo =p

Genia, the one who inspired me to write this post ;)

Amy and I. Not relevant, but nevermind. Let this photo be the finale for this post =p

HD, hope you read this!!! You're the first for me to make the first move to.

P.S.S.: I owe thanks to my campus junior William. He first came up with this "court-and-proposal" scheme for the sake of studying motivation =p

CNY 2011

2011-02-03T15:42:00.003+08:00

Today's the first day. I'm currently having an interval at my own house. Lol. Just because the houses that we were supposed to visit were out for visiting as well. Never mind, the time is still long. Meh. I hate intervals. I prefer visiting all at one go then arrive home and SLEEP rather than coming back then out then back again.

I'm looking forward for tomorrow's though. 10am till 12am :O Because after a whole day visiting my ex-classmates (form 5 and form 6), I'll need to go to Hua2's house (guarantee reach home late) and hang out with her until late just because this "Kelantanese" is flying back to Kelantan the next morning. Lol. Never mindlah. We won't be seeing each other for long after this, so it's no biggie =)

For now, I'm off to bed. Haha. Oyasuminasai~

No More Confusion

2011-02-02T13:59:00.004+08:00

I went through some ordeal *laughs*. This ordeal left me asleep and waking up not remembering any dream (wait, did I even dream last night?). For some reason, I found out something which I did not get to find for the past two months. It hit me all of a sudden the moment I woke up.

The thing about me not ready for relationships is total bullshit. It's not that I am ready or what, but I realized an uglier fact about myself. I am not meant for relationships. Perhaps it's either my headstrong personality, my bossy and demanding nature or me unable to trust anyone except myself. I trusted but not entirely. Trust is the key, and I did not even have the key. What right do I have to hope for one if I do not deserve to be involved at all? I am no good for him, or anyone else. I don't deserve anyone. It's an ugly fact, but it's still a fact.

I am no longer confused as I finally found the right answer. The blame does not lie within anyone else; it has always been me all this while. I am the problem. Because I am the problem I should not ruin others' happiness by hurting their heart. I have no right to talk about love if I kept on hurting others, do I?

Along the way I met some true friends whom I truly love and cherish. They are my treasures in my life, and I will do anything to make them happy. I love them.

In my mind, there are many things. Next sem, HD, HD, HD, work harder, focus, KK trip (hopefully it's still on by then), campus friends and housemates (I shall bring souvenirs for them to share...definitely not kolo mee though *laughs*), dying my awesome Rihanna-style hair (it grew longer already though), saving money and saving money, printer, Balcony (whadaheck of all places...kaki clubbing =.=), CNY, FOOD, visiting my relatives and friends, red packets, gambling, and hope to take 125 credit points next sem to shorten my study years. And relationship's not in the picture =)

I am awake. Finally =D

P.S.: For you. You're always be the nicest guy with a big heart in my heart =)

Confusingly Random

2011-02-01T18:52:00.004+08:00

I am happy to see new relationships blooming among my friends. It feels good seeing them feeling blissful and feeling hope all over them. I sincerely hope that their relationship is real and will not break.

Then the word break-up occured in my mind. Then I asked myself, "Do couples who broke up deserve a second chance?" Some say yes, while others say no. Yes because people make mistakes and they deserve another chance to patch things up. If it still does not work out, then confirm they're not meant to be. No because if they are to be together again, then what's the point of breaking up? They break up because problems arise between them. Then if they go back together again, they're merely waiting for another break-up.

To me, it depends. Those who want to go back together again no matter how painful a break-up be means their love towards each other was deep and they are not willing to throw away their relationship because they treasure it. Since it's broken in their hands, if they still love each other deeply, surely they will find ways to fix it together. However, the ones who do not want to go back together again show that they already give up on the relationship. The possibilities are two, one of which can be they got hurt too much in their relationship that they are afraid to indulge into any relationship in fear of getting hurt, especially when getting back with their old flame. The fear of experiencing the same pain of hurting their loved ones and themselves make them constantly haunt them. Or it could be that their love was not as deep as they thought, hence they do not wish to go back because in their heart they knew they will find better ones. If there is someone else meant for them, why waste time going back with the one who is not meant for them?

Please tell me, which one do you belong?

I still believe someday, we will be together. But now I'm questioning myself, am I wrong to think this way? Should I let go and wait for someone new, so that I can fully set you free?

I am confused.

So-called Self-Ad

2011-01-30T01:18:00.004+08:00

This post is done out of 99% boredom and 1% to brush off the thoughts that bother me at the moment. Meh.

Okay, here goes. I am 20 going on 21, a university student who has this new attempt to "geekify" myself, meaning work more play less. Hence, I will have less free time.

I am a full-time rambler who rant, rant and rant incessantly until people wish I will just shut up. But I am extremely quiet with those I am not fond of. Lol.

I favour food. I have the appetite of two men.

I absolutely LOVE money =D

I love challenging activities.

I am lazy.

I despise dirty stuff.

I am poor.

Oh heck, what kind of ad is this? No picture even. Lol. Nah, my face is not a factor here so I guess there is no need for me to upload any picture of myself. But I shall describe myself though. I have short hair, small eyes, pale complexion with zits covering my face, small mouth, thin lips, round face, plump physique and average at height. Nuff said.

Any takers? Single and eligible bachelors (I mean handsome, tall, rich, smart and humorous), feel free to ask me out. Lol.

From the last sentence I sound so desperate but the way I advertise myself contradicts it all. Lol.

My Name Is, My Name Is...

2011-01-26T14:02:00.002+08:00

I am born with a very kolot and traditional name. 陈宝琳 where the 宝 (bǎo) means precious and the word 琳(lín) means gem. Basically my name means precious gem. Lol. My surname which is pronounced as Chén is spelt as Tan since I'm a Hokkien. Yeah no need for me to say out my full name. Nevertheless, I don't hate my name although people always said that my name is very kolot and old-fashioned. Haha.

I have many pet names thanks to my families and friends. The most common one is Bao Bao =.="" in Chinese, this Bao Bao means baby. Hence, that means my friends have been calling me "baby" all this while. Lol. Everywhere I go people just love calling me Bao Bao. Either because it sounds adorable or because I am adorable so this adorable pet name suits me.

In campus I am known as Jessie though due to having international students who have a high chance of mispronouncing my name. Aha! Speaking of mispronunciation, it always happen all the time. Hello, my "a" at the Bao is silent is it? You think my name is like the French name, which always have this silent pronunciation of whatever that comes between it? Sorrylah, there is an "a" in the Bao for a reason. It is for them to call me BA-O, not BO!!! It's BA-O LIN, NOT BOLIN!!! Stop making me sound like a bowling ball (in fact I have people, particularly Chinese guys) making fun of my name and calling me bowling ball =.=""" you people have no life man. Meh. Imagine living for 20 years with my name kept on being mispronounced all the time and I just could not be bothered to correct their pronunciation just because they will always mispronounce it. Kns-ness.

Yes. I have to go with Jessie to avoid feeling vexed and annoyed having my name being mispronounced, unless I encounter Chinese people who know how to pronounce BA-O. I don't mind being called Bao Bao. I like it actually =p most of my girlfriends all call me Bao Bao or Bao. I know I am their treasure =p

I love being me. I am who I am. And I love the fact that people love me. Lol. So positive =D

It's So Easy Now

2011-01-25T14:17:00.002+08:00

Back then, I was a teenager who gets happy and excited easily. CURIOUS, I definitely am. Lol. The entire school knows my level of curiosity. Haha! Gets annoyed easily and complains over smallest things. One small ant on my food and I can complain about it non-stop for like, 30 minutes??? However, there is one expression which is very hard to see me on - crying. I rarely cry back then. I did not cry during funerals although I felt very depressed. I did not cry even though I fell down when I was in Primary 3. When I was stung by a bee I cried though because it was stingingly painful.

I used to remember I get excited over smallest things such as delicious food, gossips, handsome men and celebrities. Not to forget dramas, movies and songs. Plus the parties. Lol. In other words, I lived my life as a normal teenager. Just that I seldom cry. You can rarely see me cry. Girls cry easily but not me. When my friends fly I do not cry. I felt sad and missed them but I did not cry.

He made me befriend with my own tears. I cry so easily now. I do not know what is happening to me but whenever I see sad and emo videos or movies I'll cry uncontrollably. Whenever I feel sad I'll cry. When I see people die I cry. When I read the articles about how North Korean dissidents were tortured I was in tears. When my bestie found her "Mr Right" I was so touched and overjoyed that I even cried! It seems like now every little thing can cause me to tears. Just like my complaining nature. Great. Now I am a crybaby who loves complaining.

Meh. I am so emo. This is my second emo post of the day. I hate myself. Ngeh. I guess I can never be the old me like how I used to be in high school. WAH TAKESHI KANESHIRO!!! EEE SUSHI!!! WALAO EH SO-AND-SO DATING WITH WHOOO??? WEHHH ME BOLUI BUT ME WANT SONY CYBERSHOT! EHHH AMAZING HOW DID YOU DO IT??? WAHSEH MAN THIS IS OWHSERM!!! The good old days =)

Songs To Help Me Speak Out

2011-01-25T12:44:00.003+08:00

It's been almost two months. I am amazed at those who can get it over in two weeks. Not me, though. I have been trying my best to be happy. I did so many fun things with so many friends. I have been laughing, shouting, smiling, talking, screaming, singing and joking like how I used to be. The heeheehaha me. The gila-ness of me. It's not that I did not try. I have always tried. I do.

I have so many songs in my mind which helps me to speak out my mind just because I can't put my feelings into words. My mind is just too complicated to write out how I feel. But from the songs I can interpret my feelings from there =)

Britney Spears - Everytime (Britney's most emo and beautiful song)

I'm sorry for making you feel the pain just because I felt the pain. I have been suffering ever since that fateful day, and no matter how much I try to be positive and happy, the pain has always been there. The shit is, I always make you feel the same pain as I do. It's just that I feel exasperated that you seem to move on easy while I have trouble doing so. And you had trouble moving on after the failed previous relationship but you find it so easy to move on after OUR failed relationship just makes me feel I'm less important to you. But I know once I put you into the pain I'll feel even more painful. I am truly sorry for being so bitter. All I can say is my heart's made of glass. Once it's broken it'll not only hurt me but it'll hurt those around me.

Grenade instead of Just The Way You Are =.=

Shit. I have been bumping into this song since yesterday until now. Firstly, I heard it at Ching's car then during lunch I heard my ex-classmates singing "easy come, easy go", then I heard it at hitz.fm, then I heard it at my workplace. Then this morning I heard it again the moment I switch on my tv. What is it trying to tell me? I DON'T treat your love as trash. I did not truly appreciate it I know but now I deeply regretted it every single day. It's painful, not enjoying. You think I am happy and feel song like a bird who has been set free is it??? No. You are so WRONG. Meh. This stupid song provokes the emo-ness. And I have been listening to happy songs most of the time. Kanasai.

Heartless (Kris Allen's version not Kanye West's)

Even worse. I heard this song from both Kris Allen and Kanye West repetitively last night at workplace. Double the emo-ness. Within this two months (eh so chun), I know I can never find any guy better than you, never anymore. There's no another you, and I have slipped and let it go. It saddens me to think that I missed you and probably can never go back and reconcile. All has been left nothing but regrets and pain. Regretted for not appreciating you and left you. Pain because you don't seem to look back and it seems like I'm the one suffering while you're living your life so normally.

Sometimes I hate myself for being dead-loyal. It took me years to get rid of the previous crush already. Man why does it have to be me who suffer?

I cannot love you openly anymore. I can only give support from behind and give you prayers. Because I am no longer by your side.

Hence, to those who are currently together, appreciate what you have. No matter what troubles you both, talk over it. Give and take. Never let it go. You'll never know the pain until the moment you lose it.

Traditional Chinese Wedding

2011-01-23T02:52:00.006+08:00

This is super random and not inspired at all. It's 100% out of boredom.

I watched Singapore series New Beginnings and I have this sudden random thought just because I became a nocturnal and could not sleep. There are different kinds of weddings and among all, the one which I least preferred and yet the one I attended the most is the traditional Chinese wedding.

In Chinese, it is pronounced as "xi", which means double happiness.

Let me briefly explain the entire process of a typical traditional Chinese wedding. Every wedding differs, but I'll generally explain the process which I normally see. The most recent wedding I attended was my maternal side's youngest Uncle Stephen's wedding at Lok Thian (for some reason the banquet was often held at Lok Thian), which was two years ago right after or wait, if I'm not mistaken, during my STPM period. Lol.

Morning:
1. Groom wake up as early as 5am and was escorted by his buddies to the bride's house. Groom knocked the bride's door, only to be welcomed by the bride's besties, who normally demanded RM999. If the groom was unable to pay the price, the bride's besties would list out a few "obstacles" the groom had to overcome in order to meet the bride. The "obstacles" were like doing push-ups for 50 times or doing some ridiculous dances. When the bride's besties felt satisfied, they would let the groom in. Meanwhile, the bride will be waiting inside the room while eating "tang yuan" which symbolises everything goes perfectly (don't know how to say in Chinese sorry, I forgot).

2. After the groom met the bride, the newlyweds paid a respect to respective parents and served them a cup of tea each. Not to forget the long list of married relatives. This was usually followed with registration with both the bride and groom being escorted like royalty. For just one day.

Night - dinner
1. Dinner for me is a happy thing because of the food. I usually do not really care about the guests because I do not know them. This is because my family and I are usually seated with some strangers I do not know who probably end up to be the groom's or the bride's suk-kung or di-er-de-biao-suk (some distant relatives whom I probably never see before in my entire life). Most of them were the in-laws' relatives, kaki mahjongs, friends and whoever whom I never see before. The dining tables are usually in the amount of at least fifties. To them, the more people they invite, the merrier the wedding and this shows how grand their wedding is. Lol.

2. The dinner starts at 6.30 but starts at 8 instead. Hence, I always learned to go at 7.30. Lol. After the appetizer, the in-laws and the newlyweds would usually from table to table with a glass at their hand. Hence, the process of "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM-SENG!!!!!!! Lol. A way of wishing the couple. I never shouted though =p I just raised my glass that's it.

3. Food <3 style="font-style: italic;">Lai jiak jiak jiak. Mai kek ki. Wa si beh kek kileh ah si lu lang aneh kek ki. I prefer buffet. I can take as much as I want while interacting with young people. Probably having light conversation with some hot dudes =p after all, what's a party without socializing right?

4. Karaoke session. I understand the in-laws and their friends and relatives are happy to have their whoever getting married and decided to celebrate by singing old Teochew or Hokkien songs. Some drunkards even start to sing with their crooked voices while contributing to noise pollution whereas the night was supposed to be special for the newlyweds (to me).

5. I noticed there are some tables starting to place their bets while drinking beer in the banquet. Hello, since when a wedding banquet became a gambling parlour? Lol.

But oh well, this is tradition. If the newlyweds do not carry it out, the in-laws beh song.

I just want my wedding to be simple and sweet. Just the groom and I. A wedding is supposed to be when a man and wife unite to become one, with God as the witness. In a church. Attended by respective parents. Then after that, probably a dance between both of us ONLY somewhere, with these songs, which I present to you:

Jazmine Sullivan's Bust The Windows. Awesome song for wedding dance. Just me and the groom.

AND

Scent of a woman's famed tango scene. I love the music - Por Una Cabeza

Meh. I seriously do not like the idea of putting my wedding as some kind of circus or a show or something similar. If you elders feel happy for us, hold a banquet on your own. A wedding is something special between the man and wife (why not the husband and woman, I wonder?), instead of being so meticulous and showy.

Yeah I rant so much. As if that day will ever come =.="" I doubt it. But ranting about this is nothing wrong, I suppose?

I wish all the new couples for their relationship to grow and last, and the current ones to stay strong and last =D

2011's awesome year for couples ^^ and yes I'm STILL single =)

Bye Bye Bye - Hwayobi

2011-01-20T02:41:00.004+08:00

im in love with you forever (x2)
bye bye bye good bye

how could you easily take away my love
how could you take away all of my memories
the love that you gave up stands strongly before you
the truth is i am crumbling and i have no strength to grab onto you
dont leave me, please dont leave me
like this, like this, again and again only tears flows

ahhh~
im in love with you forever (x2)
why why why why why
oh
im in love with you forever (x2)
bye bye bye good bye

i wont say all the end talks when we seperate
i believed that if you wait things will finally come
i wont say things like i would get along fine without you
looks like i forgot the nervousness more and more each day
i am loving you and i still loving you
wait for my heart is going to be more and more larger

ahhh~
im in love with you forever (x2)
why why why why why
oh
im in love with you forever (x2)
bye bye bye good bye

how many times must i endure while crying
only your warm voice is in my head
i can not even think for once without you
how could i not have you

ahhh~
im in love with you forever (x2)
why why why why why
oh
im in love with you forever (x2)
bye bye bye good bye

Girls are Amazing

2011-01-19T14:08:00.004+08:00

I am a girl. Girls are amazing. Therefore, I am amazing =p

Okay cut the crap. The one thing that is amazing about girls is they are willing to spend most of their fortune on one industry that will never go bankcrupt - BEAUTY PRODUCTS. I am one of them, sadly. Just because I am a girl.

Moments ago I went to Nature Republic at Spring with an initial intention of helping a friend to buy a moisturising toner. However, temptations such as Member's Day 30% discount and vanity made me ended up buying two extra - for myself of course.

Pinetree detox toner and blemish lab essence.

Pinetree detox toner. Nice box eh?

It feels cold. RM46.90 originally but after 30% discount I paid RM32.83 for it.

Truth to be told I never use a toner in my life. This will be my first toner haha. This toner is useful for extra cleansing face and pores. With the detoxifying effect, one can be sure that her face will have nothing except being SQUEAKY CLEAN. Clean face = less pimples = smooth clear skin =D

Blemish lab AC control essence.

Cute bottle it has. RM57.90 originally but after 30% discount it's RM40.53.

Clears away blemishes, takes care skin, moisturises skin and most importantly, clears away blemishes. It ensures flawlessly smooth skin. Sounds awesome, no?

Gah. Spent so much. This is what I shall tell myself next time.

I am not pretty. Even if I buy and use my face will not change it's only the skin. I will not be any prettier. No need to think anymore. The money should be saved. Skin nice today but ten years later got wrinkles liao. No need to buylah.

I shall tell myself that and stop myself from buying anymore =p (if I can).

Random: I want to eat Japanese food at Tarot Salmon before I fly back to Miri. *hint* *hint*

Too Happy For Words

2011-01-18T12:49:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to one of my besties whom I love and adore so much:

I'm so happy for you until I actually cried. Seeing you so blissful moved me to tears =)

I love you dear. Hope he'll be the true one for you =)

2011 starts awesomely after all. =D

Happy

2011-01-17T20:02:00.002+08:00

What an awesome way to begin my 2011 =DDD I'm too happy for words. I'm soooo happy for them! An awesome beginning to see my friends being happy and it makes me happy as well =D

Me happy!!!!! ^^

Last Night at Chateau Marmont

2011-01-02T13:59:00.003+08:00

You're owned by me on the New Year's Eve. To be honest, I am attracted by the glittery heels on the cover. Lol. But I ain't shallow and of course, I read the abstract first. Seems not bad, so bought it with a hefty RM33.90. I know. Normal price for a book. Hopefully you're worth it, baby.

I'll finish reading you before heading back to campus.

2011 Resolution

2010-12-31T18:53:00.003+08:00

Okay. Many things happened, and I am back to square one when it comes to welcoming the following year. Waiting to start the next semester, penniless, new hairdo, single, FAT (kanasai nothing is worse than THIS), etc. Heh. I am FAT. There is never a year when I am actually thin when it comes to welcoming the next year.

Needless to say, here are a few resolutions (I wonder if I can ever carry it out...but hey I'm 21 I should have some discipline in me eh?) for me to do. Here goes.

1. LOSE WEIGHT before I reach 21.
How much weight I need to lose? 8kg, which is sad. How? Eat at max 1200 calories of food. Exercise more often. I am going for aerobic classes throughout my holidays and probably pick up some dancing classes (yes I have made up my mind and I'm learning how to dance YEAH). 1200 calories...some strict diet I need to go through. Never mind I'll find a list of low-calorie food =D What else? Hrmm...yes I'll swim while I'm still in Kuching =D and I'll frequently pay a visit to the gym at campus. And of course, badminton. Hopefully I can improve my badminton by then. 8kg in 10 months, meaning 0.8kg in 1 month. Ah never mind 1kg per month. Walao eh!

2. EXCELLENT, not just GOOD results
That means less sleep, less fun and more studying. Man I am so going to be a NERD :'( sad story, but that's how a typical university student should be. My 1st sem results are kind of sucky come to think of it and I want to change my JPA scholarship to Yayasan scholarship, all because I DO NOT WISH TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT. Yes. I do not wish to work for the government. But it's hard. I am not smart. I am not Saw (my coursemate who has brains specially made for ANYTHING). Hard. Hard. Hard. But I guess discipline is what I need eh? Try my best and if my results still kns then that means I am stupid and can no longer blame myself. Hahaha!!!

3. Eligible bachelor...whooo~
The beauty of being single is there is new hope. To find a few eligible bachelors, as friends of course. I am not a desperado who hooks up on every single eligible bachelor and have a one night stand with them just because they look good. Just that I find it easier for me to make more friends with the "single" title. I feel no restriction, which is a beauty. No boundary. Yup. The beauty of being single. Guess I am not ready for relationships. But let me meet some eligible bachelors to widen my social circle, and it's something normal that everyone will do. And perhaps some dates *chuckles*, but that is it. No commitments. Yet.

4. Wish you're happy
I just wish you're happy everyday. I'll be happy if you're happy. I hope when you read this, please tell me whenever you feel happy because I really like to know every happy moment of yours. Call me crazy, freak or what, but honestly, I feel happy if you're happy.

5. Learn to cook more
Man this is something I truly need to master. Spaghetti, porridge, omelet and fried noodles are obviously not enough. I need to learn more. Sometimes cooking my own meal can actually bring some kind of satisfaction in me. I have three and a half years to learn how to cook =)

What else? Hrmm...oh yeah!

6. Be happy more often
How? By appreciating. One becomes happy easier when they appreciate things. Say, you appreciate you have a home, a family, your own room, a lappie, a cell phone of your own, many many friends and a degree to pursue because there are millions in the world who do not have these. When you feel contented with what you have, you'll feel happier. However, of course, there are problems which is impossible to get rid of and these problems make your day bad cannot be appreciated. But I'll try my best to be happier than I am now, by next year.

7. Be EVEN more daring to take up something new
We live only once. If we are always afraid of this and that and dare not take the risk, we'll regret when we're on our deathbed. **updated** And that includes taking part in non-profit organisation voluntary works. I wish to take part in it, at least teach the rural kids or anything before I die.

That's it, I guess =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Crap

2010-12-31T16:09:00.001+08:00

You, the one I love, but I can't love.
You, the one I hate, but I just can't erase.
All that is left are tears.

From T-ara's TTL 2.

Sleepy. Off to bed.

HAPPY NEW YEAR =DDD

Sudden Random Wishlist

2010-12-26T16:13:00.002+08:00

1. SLR camera (preferably Nikon). I think Nikon's SLR is good. Not sure. Not good when it comes to camera.

2. Get a job dammit! I'll die rotting at home daily. I'm in a dire need of CASH.

3. Someone teach me swimming!!!

4. iPhone 4.

5. Another smartphone. Preferably Samsung Galaxy S. I have been an avid user of SE phones since forever but neh everything requires a change.

6. A Macbook Air (because it's light).

7. Going to Japan for a holiday (preferably during winter). Oh I love to visit the ancient Japanese shrines and view the breathtaking scenery.

8. Shopping in Shinjuku and Ginza. Fashion fashion fashion!

9. I wish to be happy everyday =)

10. A printer!!!!! This one I need. Don't care laser or inkjet I just want a freaking printer for printing notes and projects! Preferably coloured.

That's it. Lol. So random.

Short Hair

2010-12-22T14:21:00.003+08:00

I have long loved Rihanna's cool and awesome assymetrical bob =D

Damn gorgeous no?

Yup, I just got myself a haircut. Cut off everything; let the new me shine. Besides, to cut off my super long hair to bob length is not something easy for me yet I did it. This shows that I am daring to throw away and try something different =)

My version of bob. Definitely not as cool as Rihanna's, but I like it...A LOT =D

Definitely my favourite hairstyle so far. No, not to flirt, but to please my eye and satisfy my vanity ;)

I am gorgeous no? =p short hair's a perfect image for someone single and independent =p

One more thing. You don't need to follow stereotypes and keep your hair long just to look good. Short hair can make you look gorgeous as well. Just be daring to cut your locks off and tadaa =D

P.S.: The haircut's very costly :'( don't ask me how much.

Ada Hantu

2010-12-19T17:27:00.003+08:00

When I woke up from my sleep, I saw a ghost. I thought it was absurd since ghosts do not show up during daytime. Hence, I switched on my webcam and tried to take a picture of that ghost. Here goes:

Hello...so pale...Utada Hikaru inspired heehee ^^

My poor room was raided by that creature in the picture above. (I dare not say what is it, in fearing that it'll eat me up during midnight).

Stupid kns punya webcam made me look like ghost =.=

Kns-ness???

2010-12-15T19:05:00.003+08:00

Results out. Not that good, but not that bad either. But I don't aim for just not that good but not that bad results. I want good results. But I suppose what you study is what you get. Hence, I deserve it. Serves me right.

I have this bad habit which has been stuck to me since forever. I am kiasu but lazy. I am ambitious but do not work to reach it. It's like wanting something but do not work hard to get it. It's like wanting to go to a place but do not bother walking there. I have always vowed to ditch this shitty bad habit yet I have always failed to do so.

I seriously need to get rid of this shitty habit. For instance, I have this rough idea on how to be diligent to work hard. There are ways, definitely. It's only a matter of determination and drive to carry out the ways. I can even list out ways to score. (FYI, [x] means didn't do or didn't consistently do, [/] means consistently do)

1) Read lecture notes the night before the lecture class. So that you have the rough idea of what the lecturer is blah-ing in front of the lecture hall. Like that baru can focus. [x]

2) Go through lecture notes right after the lecture. Refresh memory. I very stupid one need to read again. [x]

3) Any queries, feel free to shoot the lecturer. [/]

4) Attempt tutorial questions before the tutorial. [x]

5) Tutorial questions are to be discussed during tutorial, not to be done on the spot. Kns. [x]

6) Go library seek for references. [x]

7) Discuss with friends anything that's doubting you. [/]

8) Go through what has been taught every week. If don't understand, write them down on a piece of paper and go shoot lecturer. [x]

Kns of 8 things to do I do only 2. That's like 1/4. No wonder results kns.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.

Please, FOCUS. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!! Education, you're all I have now. Don't let me down please.

For You (If you ever stumble across my blog)

2010-12-13T14:06:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
?Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/linkin-park-lyrics/numb-lyrics.html ]
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I guess I speak out your mind, eh? Guess things can never go back like how it used to be. But I have always hope that one day everything'll be healed and things are able to go back to square one. A new startover, I call that. But if a starover is impossible, then I guess there's nothing I can do also.

Please let the best things work out for me and you. I really pray for that. If going separate ways are the best for both of us, then what to do? Sigh. Life sucks. I suck.

Two More Days...

2010-12-13T10:25:00.002+08:00

Results out in two days' time. I'm scared out of my wits.

This week has been an awesomely tiring week =D

I love my friends! Ngeh. Just view my twitter dammit! Confirm up-to-date =p

Exam Results SOON

2010-12-10T12:29:00.002+08:00

Can't believe it's now 10th December. I remembered I finished my final paper on the 23rd November at an ungodly hour of 8pm!!! Oh the horror of sitting for the examination in the evening (or night). Yes, and it's Mechanics, which it rather tough, or tougher than I thought it would me. It is tough. I don't know I can even pass my Mechanics or not. Materials boleh pass dah internal marks over the passing mark. Yet, I'm scared out of my wits.

Results will be out on 15th December, which is like...in 5 days' time??? Why not release it at 5am, but at 5pm??? Curtin wants me to suffer through long hours and not wanting me to enjoy my day. They want me to be nervous throughout daytime. Worse, since the results are out, the OASIS thing confirm lag because many people will be logging into OASIS to check their results. Kns.

Please...pray that I can pass...pray that I can reach the target JPA has set for...I want good results...I want good results...I want good results...I know what's done is done but no harm hoping right?

P.S.: I love myself.

Changing FB Profile Pic

2010-12-07T01:18:00.003+08:00

I am sure the readers of this pathetic blog are Facebook users. I am sure those Facebook users have heard of the plea for Violence Against Children by changing profile pictures to cartoon characters of their own childhood. I personally am rather sceptical with this plea because small kids do not have their own Facebook profile so I see no point doing so. For me VAC is to be done practically rather than doing something like this. It does not signify anything. It is different from shaving head bald to support cancer kids or wearing a red ribbon to raise awareness against HIV. However, I give in to this plea anyway. I mean, cartoons are cute, so why not? Hence, this is my current profile pic:

Wth why mine's Sailormoon...lol...

Just now I heard a news about this plea which was actually a fraud set up by pedophiles to attract children so that they'll add those sick pedophiles. Then, those pedophiles will start tracking down their preys. In my personal opinion, this plea is not a fraud, just that it has been misused by damn-creative-betul pedophiles for their own benefits.

Just imagine:

When the plea was executed,

Pedophile A: Waseh! They so drastic carry out plea to support Violence Against Children. But I like to sodomise little children bo.
Pedophile B: Yaloh. When I see those little children cry in pain ~~my erection's getting active~~ I get all excited.
Pedophile A: Aiyah. Spoil our ~~hiao seh-kia~~ mood only.
Pedophile B: No, it may be a great advantage to us!
Pedophile A: Whyleh?
Pedophile B: We pretend we support their plea lor. We put up super cute cute cartoon character as our profile pic. When those innocent children saw our uber-cute profile pic, confirm they want to add us one!
Pedophile A: Yahor! Then once they're our friends we can slow slow eat them until we are full!!!!!

But this fraud was rather nonsensical. You see, firstly, small children, as intelligent as they are, they are still under their parents' control. Our parents have always taught us not to simply talk to strangers when we were still kids. I am sure the parents will do the same to the children. How can the children simply accept or add strangers just for the cartoon character when they have eyes watching them? Secondly, pedophiles are not so stupid to use this plea to trap their prey. Obviously this idea is not going to work because it is very rare for children to own their own Facebook profile. Blind dates may work when it comes to scheming, but not this. Lastly, it is just my hunch that this fraud thing is not valid. But my hunch is usually accurate.

Hence, I shall stick to my cartoon profile picture (well, at least until I acquire a new hairstyle).

Wonder Girls - Nobody

2010-12-05T17:37:00.001+08:00

Lyrics FYI (in case my readers can't read Chinese subtitles like me).

*chorus
I want nobody nobody but you (2x)
I don't like anybody else
if it's not you, I dont' want it
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

you know I still love you baby and it'll never change

I don't like it but why do you keep pushing me away
You keep continuosly not listen to what I'm saying
Why do you keep trying to send me away to another guy?
How can you don this to me

Saying that it's all for my sake
Saying that you're lacking in so many things
Just stop it
Why do you keep insisting on things that I don't want

*chorus
I want nobody nobody but you (2x)
I don't like anybody else
if it's not you, I dont' want it
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I'm Good, I'm Happy
I just need you, I have nothing else i wanted
Why are you telling me to meet another person and be happy?
There's no way i can be happy after leaving you

Saying that it's all for my sake
Saying that you're lacking in so many things
Why don't you know that this is all nonsense?
How can I be happy without you?

*chorus
I want nobody nobody but you (2x)
I don't like anybody else
if it's not you, I dont' want it
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I don't want nobody body
I don't want nobody body
If it's not you, If it's really not you
I don't want it

I want nobody nobody but you (2x)
I don't like anybody else
if it's not you, I dont' want it
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

(Rap)
Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free
I want to go back to when everything seemed like a dream
But why do you keep pushing me away?
Why do you push me away. I don't want nobody nobody
Nobody nobody but you.

This one below is the US version:

You Know I still Love You Baby.
And it will never change. (Saranghae)

I want nobody nobody But You, I want nobody nobody But You
How can I be with another, I don't want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

Why are you trying to, to make me leave ya
I know what you're thinking
Baby why aren't you listening
How can I just
Just love someone else and
Forget you completely
When I know you still love me

Telling me you're not good enough
My life with you is just too tough
You know it's not right so
Just stop and come back boy
How can this be
When we were meant to be

I want nobody nobody But You, I want nobody nobody But You
How can I be with another, I don't want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I want nobody nobody But You, I want nobody nobody But You
How can I be with another, I don't want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

Why can't we just, just be like this
Cause it's you that I need and nothing else until the end
Who else can ever make me feel the way I
I feel when I'm with you, no one will ever do

Telling me you're not good enough
My life with you is just too tough
You know me enough so
You know what I need boy
Right next to you is where I need to be.

I want nobody nobody But You, I want nobody nobody But You
How can I be with another, I don't want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I want nobody nobody But You, I want nobody nobody But You
How can I be with another, I don't want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I don't want no body, body
I don't want no body, body

Honey you know it's you that I want, it's you that I need
Why can't you see~

I want nobody nobody But You, I want nobody nobody But You
How can I be with another, I don't want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free
Nothing else matters other than you and me
So tell me why can't it be
Please let me live my life my way
Why do you push me away
I don't want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you.

*sob* *sob* I can't attend the concert!!! Yishhh and now I'm super-duper free!!! WG why not hold it in Kuching??? Why didn't inform me earlier so that I'll book the air tickets to fly there and watch the performance???

P.S.: The toilet scene was hilarious but kns at the same time =p

Affair Behind Each Other's Spouse

2010-12-05T16:23:00.005+08:00

There are two main things that bring wreck to a blissful marriage, affair and divorce. Both are somehow interconnected, although at times people divorce not because of an affair. However, these two things are not to be taken lightly because once a marriage is wrecked, the family is broken too as well. In the end, who suffer? The kids are the ones who suffer.

Let me begin with the affair. When a man and a woman got married, they started off living a blissful life as lovebirds. Honeymoons, adventures together, making love, you name them, they do them all. However, as time passes by, both parties lose passion inside their heart, probably due to negligence and both taking each other for-granted. When the passion inside their heart died, they will no longer have the interest to make love with each other. That was when the loneliness inside their heart began. Hence, either party started seeking for the new spark from someone else, and that was how the affair began. Be it physically or emotionally, it is still an affair. His or her heart is no longer with the spouse, but with the third person. This is definitely one thing that wrecks a marriage.

Another thing that caused this affair was due to regrets. Why? For some people, the person they marry may not be the person whom they love the most, or probably even have feelings for at all. Due to some reasons, they could not be with the one they love so they moved on and married someone else. However, they just could not get rid off their old flame. By chance, they collided with their old flame and if the old flame too has feelings for them, the affair began, which ended up hurting the innocent spouse.

From there, there are two things people should take note for a blissful marriage:

1. Marry someone whom you love the most and who loves you the most (mutual)
Why? If you marry someone knowing his or her heart does not belong to you, true love can never be made. Sure, there will be a blissful family, but as time passes by, you can never see the genuine sparkle in your spouse's eyes, simply because you who live with him or her, is not the one whom he or she loves the most. On the other hand, if you marry someone else just for the sake of moving on, yet there is still some bits of your ex-lover inside your heart, you will never be happy. There will always be regrets inside until you're old. Okay, assuming there is no divorce. You'll still feel that you're living with a man or woman, but not the one you love the most. There still is the emptiness inside your heart.

2. Make wonders in your marriage, if possible daily
Many couple ended up with affair and divorce simply because they take passion and intimacy for-granted. No, no, no, no, no, this must not happen at all. No matter how busy you are, at least spend some few minutes sending e-mails or text messages assuring you're doing fine and you miss him or her. It'll be better if it's a phone call. If he or she is stressed, do not leave him or her alone. Instead, let him or her know you're always there to encourage him. Simple actions such as a good luck lunchbox or a hearty breakfast to start off the rough day will do. After all, it is the thought that matters right? When both parties are connected by heart daily, it is nearly impossible for the third person to intrude between them.

It's been a while since I wrote a sensible post without having my emotions affected. No, this is purely based on thoughts and not emotions, just like my old blog posts.

Glad to say I'm getting over my pain day after day =) but the love is still there, and most probably will always be there =)

Let Go

2010-12-03T09:56:00.003+08:00

I have so many things to worry at this moment that I should let go of this feeling for some time. I can't let this make me any weaker when I am supposed to be strong at this time.

Nevertheless, I still love you. It's just that I will stop thinking and feeling that way for you for my own good. I'm like keeping you inside one of the drawers in my heart and lock it. After all, feelings just can't go away like that.

From here, I found my new goal: To travel around the world to see the beauty of the different corners of this world.

Freedom

2010-11-30T15:29:00.004+08:00

Never thought it'll end up in such a painful way. To be honest, I am still recovering. The pain just come without any sign or warning; it just come. There are times when tears are flowing silently without any warning. I was never like this before. I used to be able to control my tears, but I seem to lose it.

In a good way, welcome to freedom-hood. It has always been awesome to be single, to do things without considering what the other person thinks. Light, free and no pressure at all. To enjoy the moment of being courted by possibly-eligible bachelors out there, since I'm no longer attached.

In a bad way, it is painful. The love is there. The relationship is broken, but the love is still there. I still feel it. Hence, it will be hard for me to move on. Because I am the loyal type who won't fall out of love easily and fall in love easily. For my bosom friends who know me well, I develop crush easily but I do not fall in love easily. This is because once I do so, it is difficult, if not impossible, to fall out of it. Okay that make me sound so weak and feeble. Ewww...heck, who would actually imagine how painful a broken relationship can be? You can actually feel the pain in the chest and once it happens, tears just fall uncontrollably from my eyes. Like now.

I am strong. I can survive. But not when it comes to this. He very well knows that I'm sensitive.

I still love him. I truly need to say it out. I can't lie to myself and say I'm over him when I'm actually not.

I did not lose it all though. I still have a friend, probably the bestest friend among all best friends :S LOL. We still keep in touch, but in a different tone and manner. Buddy-buddy manner. Better than being enemies right? Hard to find best friends nowadays for me to bully =p

Hell, I'll be single for a very long time, probably for eternity =.="" kanasai! Never mind, adopt children =p rubbish! I think too much. But it's a good way to distract myself from the pain =p single is good. No burden at all. Ngeh. Whatever.

I run out of words to say. I don't know what else can I say.

Year 1 Sem 1 Officially Ends

2010-11-24T00:55:00.002+08:00

Yep. Just finished my Engineering Mechanics 100 a few hours ago. I thought my form 6 knowledge was somehow sufficient but this paper proved me wrong. Seems easy but one tiny mistake and I'm done. Worst of all for some reason I seem like I don't know how to do every question although I know what the question wants. In short, I'm finished.

Never mind. No use crying over spilled milk. If I really fail Mechanics *choi* I'll have to find Joshua and beg and beg and BEG him to pass me =p nah just kidding. If I fail tough luck I have to repeat this unit. I won't fail right? Come on! Be optimistic. Won't fail one lah...hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Flying back to Cat City this Thursday =) for some reason I do not look forward to coming back as much as before. Maybe the anticipation kind of wore off thanks to the finals? Hrmm...anyway, I am glad to announce that I am FUREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! Free's the proper word.

Can't wait to taste Laksa. The only thing I'll miss about Miri food is the 3-layed teh-C peng (they used wheatgrass as syrup instead of the dark-coloured thing (palm sugar aka gula melaka).

I miss my bed =)

I'm Really Hurt

2010-11-22T15:31:00.000+08:00

How am I still crying
I'm hurting so much because of you
All I have to do is think of you~

Why is your scent in my mind
When I see your picture, I,
When I think of you, I,

I'm hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I'm hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I didn't know it'll hurt this much

I'm really hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
My heart is hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I didn't know how much I'll miss you, I'm really hurt

I can't take another step
The farther we go, the more I hurt
When all I do is look up to you

The nights that suddenly turned longer,
the me, who misses you so much,
all I do is think of you again

I'm hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I'm hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I didn't know it'll hurt this much

I'm really hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
My heart is hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I didn't know how much I'll miss you, I'm really hurt

Don't leave me like this
I'm begging you, please stop hurting me like this

I'm hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I'm hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I didn't know it'll hurt this much

I'm really hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
My heart is hurt hurt hurt hurting (Come)
I didn't know how much I'll miss you, I'm really hurt

I'm hurt hurt hurt hurt (Come)
I'm hurt hurt hurt hurt (Come)

Down and Up

2010-11-19T14:26:00.002+08:00

Down: Materials paper suck. Martyn Ray suck. Screw you for setting such difficult paper. Not only difficult, but totally different from the approach we had. I mean, it is only possible to answer questions like that by doing proper researches beforehand dammit!!! Confirm did terribly for Materialsla...I see no light.

Up: I shall rest for today, then tomorrow begin Mechanics. Ini...should be bolehlah...I hope so...because between mechanics and materials mechanics make more sense...I think...lol...

Anyways, I should be happy because I have only ONE more paper left. After that, I shall begin packing and will be returning to Kolomee-Laksa Land!!! Yay~!!! Oh I miss my malak mien. And yes, I shall watch HP71 in my hometown =D

Engineering Materials 100

2010-11-16T23:08:00.003+08:00

My expression towards that particular unit

I went all bonkers thanks to hat. Stupid facial expression LOL!!! Looks like a retard eee...(btw I picked that hoodie =p from MNG)

I am sitting for Engineering Materials 100 this Friday, and I can't wait to get over it. Probably the hardest unit among the four. It involves LOTS and LOTS of reading, reading, reading and understanding, understanding and understanding. Problem is, I don't like to study materials at all. And the shit is, I have to score high for my materials so that I can major in Chemical Engineering. It's as if it is the prerequisite to enter Chemical Engineering. I don't want to end up doing Electrical or something like that!!! I suck at electrical topics and have absolutely NO INTEREST IN ELECTRICAL at all. Maybe hands-on is fun, but not when you have to imagine spending three decades analyzing Kirchhoff's Law (forgot how to spell that =p) or whatever electrical shit, I'll rather die. Shitty or not??? Or who knows, I cannot be any type of engineer at all!!!!! NO WAY!!!!!

Lecture notes...

MORE lecture notes...

Even the BOOK!!!

First of all, let me stress this point. Materials Science and Engineering is NOT CHEMISTRY AT ALL. Okay, maybe a little tiny-winy bit, but we only learned Chemistry in Materials for like...two weeks??? And it's the simple chemistry such as redox reactions and polymers. The rest of the Module 1 we learned about Physics, especially atomic Physics. That's for Materials Science in Module 1 and we do not have to learn that anymore. Now we're learning Materials Engineering, which is the application of what we have learned in Module 1. Yes, to study stress-strain in metals and how to improve its strength but at the same time increase ductility or something like that. Then we also have to compare metals, polymers and ceramics, as well as to study the composites and its applications. Where is the Chemistry???

I see no light in materials =(

Interesting Stuff Alert =p

2010-11-16T13:35:00.003+08:00

I know I blog more often than usual despite exam and Materials paper is this Friday. Shit. Most important paper to score high if one wants to do Chem Eng. Damn. And I just suck at it. It's not chemistry. It's Materials Science and Engineering, dammit! Don't get confused between the two.

Anyway, here's what I found from here. Reading Xiaxue's old blog posts simply to release stress and compare her old posts to new ones. Is she like Kenny Sia? Kenny Sia's recent posts are mostly advertorials and review-based. Very rare to read wacky-funny-yet-lame-but-worth-ROFLMAO-ing posts. Hopefully Xiaxue's not like that. I love reading interesting stuffs, you see. It releases stress =)

I got this from her old post. Here goes:

Blowjob Etiquette For Men (as stated by women) Source: FHM.com

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - Do not push on the top of my head.

7. Deep throat - do you really WANT puke on your dick?

8. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

9. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

10. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

11. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

12. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly unadvisable if you would like my behaviour to be repeated in the future.

13. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

14. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

15. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV or while you are driving.

16. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathise or brag.

17. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

I'm an adult (20 already considered as an adult actually). Nothing wrong for me to post something like this. And yeah, I just knew what "blowjob" means when I was like...nineteen while others knew it since ages ago??? I'm such a dinosaur =p but oh well, being a dinosaur's good. Sheeeesh boys made me no longer an innocent girl!!!!! So for those who still don't know what "blowjob" is, be GRATEFUL. No need for you to know. Curiosity kills. Just read it as if it's something funny and catchy. Then end of story.

Byebye.

Love The Way You Lie

2010-11-14T21:11:00.007+08:00

Yeah, yeah, I'm having my first finals paper tomorrow, and what the heck am I doing here on my blog? My answer is, to de-stress. After all, I have reached the peak, at which nothing can go into my head anymore. I can only ensure myself in best condition to sit for the papers tomorrow (and it's in the afternoon sheeesh!!! Why can't they make it earlier???) lol.

Anyway, the main purpose of this post is, Eminem and Rihanna released the second part of Love The Way You Lie =D

I like the first part of the song, and I'm anticipating the second part of the song. ~~For some celaka reason I can't find the video everywhere on Youtube. Hrmm...probably because the video was not yet released. Huh! Never mind...~~ I found the video, thanks to Stephanie!!! The lyrics are awesome =D Here goes:

On the first page of our story, the future seems so bright.
And this thing turned out so evil, I don’t know why I’m still surprised.
Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take death to new extremes.
But you’ll always be my hero, even though you lost your mind.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie.
I love the way you lie.

Now this gravel in our voices, glass is shattered from the fight.
In this tug of war, you’ll always win, even when I’m right.
Cause you feed me fables from your hand,
With violet words and empty threats and it’s sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied.

So maybe I’m a masochist
I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave.
Til the walls are goin’ up in smoke with all our memories.

[Eminem]
This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
hush baby, speak softly, tell me I’ll be sorry that you
pushed me into the coffee table last night so I can push you off me
try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy
baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me
then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me
then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
destructive path that we’re on, two psychopaths but we
know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs
that we’ll have each other’s backs, ’cause we’re that lucky
together, we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills,
you hit me twice, yeah, but who’s countin’
I may have hit you three times, I’m startin’ to lose count
but together, we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain
our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refused counselin’
this house is too huge, if you move out I’ll burn all two thousand
square feet of it to the ground, ain’t shit you can do about it
with you I’m in my f–kin’ mind, without you, I’m out it

For more info you can visit here.

I prefer the first one though. Deeper. This one is more on battered woman sang about letting herself being abused. NO WAY!!! We women have our own rights too okay??? Because men are strong, they should not misuse it for abuse, particularly women who are half their strength.

By the way, I came to realize that there are explanations for every single line sang by Eminem, and also Rihanna (for the first part). I never know there is such thing as Battered Woman Syndrome, where women are so used to getting abused that they start to be dependent onto it. The abuses somehow made a woman feel like those punching and slamming have been part of her life. Interesting.

By the way, the lyrics for Part 1 are based on a movie called Slingblade. A woman did not leave her husband or boyfriend despite being battered are due to two reasons. First, they are too afraid that once they leave their partner might catch them and then they'll end up being abused again. Yeah. Battered Woman Syndrome. Battered Woman Syndrome somehow has connections with this learned helplessness thing.

However, to me, there is a second reason. The reason is here: It's sad thinking that domestic violence are happening everywhere and it's not that women cannot help themselves despite all the help given (Women's Acts, Domestic Violence Acts, social body, police, etc), but they chose NOT to help themselves. One word. LOVE. Deep in their heart they believe there is still a glimpse of love in their violent partner's heart. I can imagine the sorrow in a woman's eyes when she was abused. I bet her heart hurts more than her flesh. Someone whom she loves the most battered her as if she is just a piece of flesh.

For men. If you're angry, why hurt your woman? She is the one whom you love the most; the one whom you spent the most of your life and effort to keep and love, to please, and to make her smile. Wanting to see her smile is not by hitting her. When you're angry, tell her, not hit her! Tell her you don't like her being like that. Tell her how angry you are. Shout, if possible. If she does not want to listen still, leave her alone and let both of you cool down until both of you feel better. Then make it up with a hug and a kiss =) rather than hitting her. What do you get? Do you feel better seeing your most loved woman getting injured because of YOU? Women are helpless creatures when compared to men (physically). But what hurts them the most is not the physical injury, but the injury in their hearts. The man who swore to protect his partner and to love her is doing the opposite thing. They will start thinking, Where is the man who used to love me? Why is he now a totally different person? I don't know him.

Better hope my future husband (if I ever have one) will never lift his hand on me and hurt me when he is angry. His hands are meant to love and caress me, not to hurt me =)

Disappointed

2010-11-13T23:58:00.002+08:00

Just checked my assessment marks for materials and mechanics. Boy, what was I doing??? I was really disappointed with that I get, because I am inconsistent. Some good, some not good, overall not goodlo. I have peers who have been doing consistently well and hence, they do not have so much to stress on their finals. I was the total opposite. Can I do it in the finals?

Full marks is kind of impossible to get though. Can I? It's a blessing in disguise that mechanics paper was dragged until 23rd, meaning I have more time to study =) there's always a reason behind everything that happens.

Maths get over it this Monday, then concentrate on Materials until Friday, then concentrate again on Mechanics until 23rd! Full marks is quite of impossible, but I will try my very best to obtain every single mark to score!!! To make up for my terrible and lousy continuous assessment punya marks!!!!! All the best for me =D

Maths this Monday. No stress for this paper, but would like to score as high as possible of course. Need this paper to pull up my overall marks =)

I'm stressed and sick. Worst combination ever!!! Stupid RM4.50 burger caused me to have diarrhoea and vomiting. I'm ANGRY!

Only Girl - Rihanna

2010-11-12T15:45:00.001+08:00

Haha. My all-time Rihanna's favourite song weas "Unfaithful", because to me that song was the only song that make sense. Songs that "gagap" like Umbrella (under my umbrella, ella-ella, ey, ey, ey) or demonish songs like Disturbia, or those meaningless dance songs like Pon de Replay, SOS and Rude Boy just turn me off. Take a Bow was okay, but nah, I don't listen to it for long. So whenever I think of Rihanna, there are two songs: Umbrella (her hair's GORGEOUS in that video) and Unfaithful (her voice's awesome and the lyrics are awesome!!!).

This new song, however, adds into my favourite list of Rihanna's songs. Lyrics sounds a bit like Disturbia (dance song ma), but I love it!!! I love the beat, it's as catchy as Disturbia but it's much catchier. I don't like the video though. I just like the song. Never mind. Here goes the lyrics:

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la

[VERSE 1]
I want you to love me, like I'm a hot pie
Keep thinkin' of me, doin' what you like
So boy forget about the world cuz it's gon' be me and you tonight
I wanna make your beg for ya, then imma make you swallow your pride

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man, yeah
Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one...

[VERSE 2]
Want you to take it like a thief in the night
Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right
Baby I'll tell you all my secrets that I'm keepin', you can come inside
And when you enter, you ain't leavin', be my prisoner for the night, oh

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/only-girl-lyrics-rihanna.html ]

Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands, like I'm the only one who knows your heart, only one...

[BRIDGE]
Take me for a ride, ride
Oh baby, take me high, high
Let me make you first, first
Oh make it last all night, night
Take me for a ride, ride
Oh baby, take me high, high
Let me make you first, first
Make it last all night

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world...
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world....

Nah, which girl does not want to feel special in their special someone's heart? Every single girl (and yes, I mean EVERY SINGLE GIRL, lesbian, straight or bi, tomboy or feminine), want to have a special place in her special someone's heart. Betul sik? =p

Chronicles of my first semester in Miri

2010-11-06T18:43:00.009+08:00

My name is Jessie. I am twenty this year. I am 100% female. Tough on the exterior but the total contrary on the inside. Only a few people who are truly close to me manage to see this. Never mind. I am still tough =)

A picture speaks out a thousand words. Twenty years living in south and my recent exodus to the north somehow made me not the same person I was before. Even though it is only Miri and not Massachusetts, I experienced many things which a university student experiences. These experiences are priceless and cannot be bought anywhere else. This is my path and I shall go on with it.

First day in hostel. Bored so just webcam-whore =p

Day trip around Miri city. Looking forward to see what Miri has to offer.

Com.E Awesome GaGa crew. Kiki's the GaGa =D We danced on the stage. The crew did not win, but GaGa did.

Lovely scenery (what about the model? =p)

First lab in Curtin. Pink resin which contains formaldehyde. It's a type of thermosett.

My first name ice-cream with "Jessie" onto it =p which one sweeter btw? My smile or the ice-cream?

Love this dress. But cannot afford it.

Rotaract mooncake festival 2010. First time learned how to make lanterns. The floating white lantern beside me is the product. It could not float though >.<

CUTEC Fellowship outing at Tanjung beach. Had a taste of being splashed by seawater + orange juice, thanks to Aaron.

Celebrated one of my closest campus friend's birthday (the one at the centre is the birthday girl with the name of Teoh Wei Nee). My one of the closest friend in campus with one of the biggest head and heart as well. Cute and happy girl with unpredictable reactions.

Of course, I had my first birthday in Miri as well. Had the first taste of being smashed by an icing cake right on my face, all thanks to Conie. Thanks for the birthday bash my dear friends despite having to submit the report tomorrow (except Conie). No wonder she so free smash my face =p

EFPC presentation. The final project for the entire unit.
L: Me plastering a smirk on my face. People happy ma complete the entire unit of course enjoy some vain momentslah.
R: I think I look the best in this pic. Sorry for the weird cropping though =p

Okay. That is all I think. Not much, but definitely not for me to forget. Now I am all revved up to STUDY for my finals. I did not do well for my mid-term and my continuous assessments, hence I have to strive for my finals. Damn celaka or not???

The geeky side of me. Definitely a pose =p but I likey likey my serious side of my face :O

Need to get 2.4 for my CGPA (I think) to ensure continuous sponsorship. That means an overall score of 60 is necessary. But ambitious a bitlah. Aim for 70. In case JPA wants me to get 70.

Maths, materials and mechanics, see you in two weeks' time!!!!! I'm preparing to have a battle with you now hahahaha!!!!!!!

Okay. Hence I shall start my preparation tomorrow hahahaha!!!!!!

Stickwitu - Pussycat Dolls

2010-11-06T17:20:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna go another day,
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
Seems like everybody's breaking up
Throwing their love away,
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)

[Chorus:]
Nobody gonna love me better
I must stick with you forever.
Nobody gonna take me higher
I must stick with you.
You know how to appreciate me
I must stick with you, my baby.
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must stick with you.

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
See the way we ride in our private lives,
Ain't nobody getting in between.
I want you to know that you're the only one for me (one for me)
And I say

[Chorus]

And now
Ain't nothing else I can need (nothing else I can need)
And now
I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me.
I got you,
We'll be making love endlessly.
I'm with you (baby, I'm with you)
Baby, you're with me (Baby, you're with me)

So don't you worry about
People hanging around,
They ain't bringing us down.
I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts.
So don't you worry about
People hanging around,
They ain't bringing us down.
I know you and you know me
And that's why I say

[Chorus x2]

Best song from PCD =) it gives hope to relationships. Trying to tell people that not all relationships end with break ups.

Freedom???

2010-11-04T18:48:00.002+08:00

I'm glad to announce that my classes are officially OVER!!! For this sem.

Good news: There is no need to rush to catch the bus to attend classes and listen to those lectures which makes a good lullaby to me. Plus, assignments are over and for the first time in Curtin I feel so LIGHT.

Bad news: Free week = study week for finals. Finals are heavy. Need to study. No study, no good results. Need to get at least a distinction to maintain my sponsorship. Damn celaka or not???

Of course, the real definition of freedom is 25 November hahahahaha!!!!!!!!! That's the day when I finally return to Kuching =D

P.S.: I decided to take Eng; ESFD 100, for now.

Pride and Prejudice

2010-11-01T21:53:00.004+08:00

I have great affection onto 18th century English romance. To date, I watched Sense and Sensibility, Shakespeare in Love, Being Jane, Pride and Prejudice, Casanova (Heath Ledger *sob*), Nicholas Nickeby and so on. Sweeney Todd contained a little bit of romance (Todd's love for his late wife and his daughter Johanna; Mrs Lovett willing to do anything for Todd), though the emphasis was more on bloodbath and meat pies (that movie somehow made me skipped shepherd's pie or beef pie).

Anyway, my favourite was Pride and Prejudice. To me, it is a beautiful story about romance despite the different social status, as it was heavily emphasized during that era. Thank God this feudal crap no longer exists. I know there are several characters involved when it comes to romance, but I focus more on Mr Darcy and Elizabeth (after all, they were the main characters of this story). Both started off with pride (Mr Darcy) and prejudice (Elizabeth) due to different social status. But time is capable of showing the truth about each other and how love develops between two individuals of different background. As time goes by, Elizabeth learned that Darcy was not what she thought who he was at first impression, since action spoke louder than words. At the same time, Darcy's affection for Elizabeth grew stronger, although he did mention that she was not at all the type of woman that he should fall in love with (I can smell the stench of ego here...eww).

There are both parts which I like best.

Firstly, the conversation between Elizabeth and Mr Bennet. I like the way she expressed her love for Darcy, which showed that her prejudice towards him totally faded. Besides, Mr Bennet is an AWESOME father ^^

Elizabeth and Mr Bennet are still together. Mr Bennet has heard of Darcy’s involvement in the marriage of Lydia and Mr Wickham.

MR BENNET:
Good Lord! I must pay him back.

ELIZABETH:
No, you mustn’t tell anyone. He wouldn’t want it. We misjudged him, Papa, me more than anyone – in every way, not just in this matter. I’ve been nonsensical. He’s been a fool, about Jane, about so many other things, but then so have I. You see, he and I are… he and I are so similar. We’re both so stubborn. Papa…

Mr Bennet, along with Lizzy, is starting to cry.

MR BENNET:
(Laughs) You really do love him, don’t you.

ELIZABETH:
Very much.

MR BENNET:
I cannot believe that anyone can deserve you, but it seems I am overruled. So, I heartily give my consent.

They hug.

MR BENNET:
I could not have parted with you, my Lizzy, to anyone less worthy.

Elizabeth leaves.

MR BENNET:
If any young men come for Mary or Kitty then for Heaven’s sake send them in. I am quite at my leisure.

The other part which I like best is the ending part, where both Darcy and Elizabeth, as newlyweds, were sitting beside the lake at Pemberley at night.

Dialogues by the way:

MR DARCY:
How are you this evening, my dear?

ELIZABETH:
Very well. Only, I wish you would not call me ‘my dear.’

MR DARCY:
Why?

ELIZABETH:
‘Cause it’s what my father always calls my mother when he’s cross about something.

MR DARCY:
What endearments am I allowed?

ELIZABETH:
Well, let me think. ‘Lizzy’ for every day. ‘My pearl’ for Sundays, and ‘Goddess Divine,’ but only on very special occasions.

MR DARCY:
And what shall I call you when I’m cross? Mrs Darcy?

ELIZABETH:
No. No. You may only call me ‘Mrs Darcy’ when you are completely, perfectly and incandescently happy.

MR DARCY:
But how are you this evening, Mrs Darcy? Mrs Darcy. Mrs Darcy. Mrs Darcy.

As you can see, Darcy, once stoic and cold, changed once he met Elizabeth. A guy who used to be cold and arrogant showed his affection in a most tender and warmest way. The kisses showed his uttermost joy for able to marry the woman whom he loved the most. It is a way of showing how much he appreciated her, and how deep was his love for her. Kiss is after all, an expression of affection. I see no reason why can it be seen as a form of sexuality. It is one of the most beautiful gifts a person can give to another. After all, these lips one has is not for everyone. So, for those who thinks that it is oversexed, get a life!

I'm so tempted to download Pride and Prejudice and watched it over and over again but I have presentation script to prepare. After that, off to bed =)

Last TEEN day

2010-10-31T11:09:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my last day of being a TEENager. NineTEEN, to be exact. Let me tell you how I spent my entire day yesterday. It'll be in point form because I'm lazy. Here goes:

1. Woke up to attend Engineering Maths 120 revision. Looking through past year papers and at the same time sharpening my calculus skills. I never like calculus, yet I can score in calculus for some reason. Pitied Dr. Tan for having to give sarcastic remarks all the time to make sure the students paid attention to him. He was under pressure. Many students failed the EM 120 quiz. Seriously, were these students really want to study? They wasted their parents' money by entering the lecture hall with their much-more-advanced-laptop-than-mine and started gaming instead of listening. I sleep, but I don't play games. Sleeping is uncontrollable and for my case, inevitable. Online quizzes at EM 120 taught me how important dx is by the way.

2. Lunch with Wei Nee and Teck Ann. They're good friends to have. Wei Nee can be a nice and understanding friend to have. After lunch, we watched some Cantonese comedy series for a while.

3. Engineering Materials 100 full paper test (as an exposure to how the actual test looks like) and discussion. Hell no, I did not study at all!!! I just sat for the paper based on what I had learnt during tutorials and of course, I did not do well. But never mind, it is a revision after all. Materials reminds me of chemistry, but it is not chemistry. It's about the study of materials and how to apply. Engineers.....

4. Arrived home around like...6 something??? Raining heavily.

5. Had a burger treat from my housemates. Originally wanting to give them a treat but ended up being treated instead. So touched! On the way home, my housemate and I were splashed by the dirty puddle thanks to the speeding car!!! OMGCELAKASHIT!!!!! I was all dirty and wet and sticky all over and had to take a nice good bath. Angry!

6. Doing my site visit report 2 which was due 1/11/2010. Was 90% done then suddenly the stupid Word Perfect program shut down and did not backup my files. Hence, I had to do all over again!!!!!!

Today, I am 20. TWENTY.

I'm old *gasps*.

G.Na - I'll Back off So That You Can Live Better

2010-10-30T19:07:00.002+08:00

I’ll back off so you can live
Say it directly, looking at me
Say it looking into my eyes
Did you just say you wanted to break up?
Did you want to end it with me?

(I Know) You probably got a lady
(I Know) You probably got sick of me
Even though the tears are rushing to me

I’ll back off so you can live
That is all I can say
I’ll forget you so you can live better
So that you’ll be happy without me
The love that you tossed away, you can take it
Don’t even leave a trace behind and take it all
Don’t even say you’re sorry
Don’t worry about me

Your lips that told me tha you were going to leave
Why does it give me a reason to be angry today?
I need to stop you, the words don’t go out
And you are already moving far apart

(I know) You will forget me
(I know) I will really hate you
Even though you know everything

You! The reason I lived
You! Were all I wanted
You! It was me who only looked at you

Why? Why are you leaving?
Why? Why are you tossing me away?
If you were going to be like this
Why did you love me in the first place?

Do you happen to remember that day?
That day when we first met
I still remember it
The promise you made to me
That you will only care for me
That you will only protect me
That you will only love me
I believed your lies, I believed it

Did you really love me?
I’ll forget you so you can live better
Goodbye

Awesome sad song to sing if you experience break-up. For guys, I suggest you look at the video because G.Na's body is hawt~!!! Hehe...

P.S.: The highlighted ones are my favourite part!!! You can actually feel the emotions from the way she sings that part.